21 October 2011 @ 12:04 pm
I woke up feeling very anxious for some reason and my brother is not doing anything to help that fact.

I usually reserve these kind of one sentence rants for tumblr but I can't bitch about my brother on tumblr because he follows me. And right now that is just helping to piss me off even more because I prefer to save my lj for memes and long posts with an actual purpose and not short little "I just need to say this for the sake of releasing it to the universe" ranty rants.


In other news, I am watching Nathan Fillion act a little country while fighting tentacle aliens. That is one good looking man.
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Current Mood: anxious
09 June 2010 @ 07:43 pm
Stuff that has happened:

went to a drive-in
started on a new Slytherin scarf
reread Just Listen
re-started Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters
made a summer mix that ended up being two cds long
made a mess in my room

Things falling apart:

no more work, have been avoiding irl friends for the most part because I don't feel like saying "sorry I can't afford to see you"
got told by an automated machine that I am underqualified for everything
brother is dropping out of school
broke the electrical socket in the bathroom (wtf)
hood fell off from above our stove, cannot cook
don't have enough to pay my insurance when it comes up next month so soon no more driving
will have to suspend netflix, there goes my sole means of entertainment now
panic attacks approx. every 30 hrs
need more asthma medicine, can't afford it

Fuck this shit I need a goddamn vacation
Current Mood: cranky
08 February 2010 @ 12:35 am
I need to go to bed. I have class and kickboxing tomorrow and I won't be home all day. But the longer I stay online talking to people, the longer I feel as if what I'm doing here is worth something, that my existence is valid.

No, I'm not suicidal or dangerously depressed, but I'm not happy with who I am. I'm not happy with where I am. And every moment spent talking with these people who love me and think I am amazing makes me think that maybe one day, this wonderful person they know and myself can finally meet and then we can be one person. I don't know who this amazing girl is, but I want to know her. I really want to know her. Because I lost sight of her some ways back, and I just can't find her. Sometimes I catch glimpses of her, but I've never been able to run up to her and grasp her hand and keep her.

I miss her. I miss the girl that didn't bat an eyelash when she knew what she wanted. I miss the girl that chased after her crushes with wild abandon, never considering rejection. I miss the girl that talked to trees and thought her cats could fly. I miss the girl that wanted to be everything and knew she could be anything. I miss who I used to be when I was a skinned-kneed seven year-old with rubber bands in my hair. When I raced through my small world knowing I would conquer it, not caring if I didn't. Somewhere deep inside of me is that little girl with the pink roller skates who sang out at the top of her lungs while bopping her head with her eyes closed to the fact that she was being watched. Now all I can ever see is the eyes looking at me. I'm conscious of my every action and I want so much to possess that lightness I once had.

I am doing this Radical Self-Love thing with Gala because I miss that girl. And because it's so painful that I have to stop every few sentences in Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters to whisper to myself, 'That's true; that's so true.' I want to love myself. Wholeheartedly. Fully. Unabashedly. Unconditionally. The End. Happily ever after.

Current Mood: sad
08 August 2008 @ 02:34 pm
I'm really just kind of annoyed at my mom right now. She keeps bugging me and giving me "suggestions" on what to do with my truck since my service engine light is on, but I already know what to do. I know what's wrong. I just don't have the money to get it fixed because first A) I had to pay my insurance, and B) I had to pay for my own glasses. She keeps saying, "Oh you know, for your truck I recommend/ suggest this/that blah blah blah" and I don't care. It's getting really annoying. Add on to that the fact that she doesn't listen to me when I tell her things about my schedule and I end up having to repeat and repeat and repeat myself over and over again.

Usually I don't have a problem with it, but for some reason today it's really getting to me. I'm sick of repeating myself and I'm sick of listening to her talking about my truck. I realize she's worried about it, but unless she's going to pay for it (which she won't) then she needs to get off my back because I have more important things to pay for (like food).

I really want to tell her this, but I know it'll just get her angry and right now she's very stressed out because she has one week left of class and she has left off her major project until the last minute. So I'm telling you guys. Because I like to whine.

Current Music: "Little Angel" - Hard-Fi
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: aggravated
30 July 2008 @ 10:03 am
Stream-of-consciousness writing can really help to clear your head and quickly expel negative emotions (at least, in my opinion it does). Try it sometime when you don't have the time to throw a big tantrum and be upset for most of the day.

Usually when I do a SoC entry, I either don't post it, or post it as private, so only I can see it. But today, I'll let you in on my angst so you can see my thought-process and understand how SoC kind of works. At the beginning of the grammatic monstrosity that is to follow, I was annoyed and a bit miffed. Now I'm calmer and ready to go do whatever it is Mom wants me to do. Sometimes we just have to expel vast amounts of emotional ranting, and SoC writing is great for that because it doesn't give anyone the chance to interrupt you and upset you further. I find it also helps to straighten my thoughts out so that when I do need to discuss them with someone, I can express them in an intelligent manner that they'll understand. :)

A run-on sentence in an English major's blog! Heavens forbid!! )

So the next time you're upset and don't want to be interrupted in your rant, try this and feel better, because....it's better than just sitting there and stewing. (Yes? No? Please tell me I don't sound preachy....is this even helping you guys, or did I just put my emo angst rant up for nothing? ...I really want to proofread my SoC sentence now XD )
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Current Mood: calm
Current Music: "Rain" - The Beatles
Current Location: Home
A bit rambly, definitely a case of TMI, and a bit long-ish self-evaluation in the most emo and cliche way possible )

TL;DR version: I am insecure, but I don't need to be and I am slowly getting over all of my little insecurities. You guys are, essentially, amazing. And there is glitter and light. :)
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Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: home
18 January 2008 @ 11:41 pm

I did not take this picture. I did not take this picture. I did not take this picture.

Now that that's over with....

Gawd, I miss high school. Not in a "oh-man-I-wanna-go-back" kind of way, but in a "aw-I-really-miss-it-but-never-want-to-go-back" kind of way. Pizazz was fun. Even though I was only in choir for a year, it was so amazing. The people were spectacular (for the most part). I miss my Chorale girls...

College is sow weird. Like, I'm really happy where I am, and even though I was miserable all throughout high school, I really miss that misery. I'm not used to being so....comfortable. But I think mostly I just miss the social part of it. And yes, that was what I hated about it...but it was one of those love/hate kind of things.

Ah, fond memories. Walking to Sonic in the summertime, hide 'n seek on Beth and Rob's street (and, once upon a time, Charles'!), cramming nine people into Travis' truck to drive places, passing notes in math class, the lunch room......I miss these things. I guess I just hadn't realized how much. And yes, there were times when I wanted to throttle every single last person in sight, and they happened quite often, but I wouldn't mind having those sentiments back if only it meant recapturing the good times like homecoming and prom and eating out and English. Gawd...I miss GT English so much right now.

And it's so strange, being in all of these classes and not really knowing anyone. I have acquaintances, but not buddies and chums like I used to. It feels strange having Calculus without Sean and Dr. Furuyama. It feels surreal to suddenly be one of the people who knows what she's doing in choir. It feels weird not hanging out in Soden's room and just being able to joke around with my teachers. I still can, but not like we used to. It feels completely bogus and lame-making that my teachers are suddenly treating me like I'm a child. Being in the advanced classes in high school really had its perks, but now I'm just lumped up with everyone else and it feels....strange. I'm not used to thinking on that level.

I guess I just never realized how much I would miss high school, as lame as that is. I was so focused on how disappointing the events and people were (especially senior year) that it kind of slipped by. And I really don't think it helped that the summer after we graduated was nothing like I thought it would be (you know what I'm talking about Beth). I was never that big in the social part of it all, but I miss what little of it I had.

Bah. That's my little melancholy-making rant for the week. Everybody go read Peeps by Scott Westerfeld now. It is AMAZING.
Current Location: home
Current Music: "Leave Out All the Rest" - Linkin Park
Current Mood: nostalgic
12 January 2008 @ 09:55 pm
Rant Warning. Possibly induced by womanly issues, if you get my drift... )

Life would be empty without New Radicals. Listening to them makes me happy again :) )
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: "You Only Get What You Give" - New Radicals
Current Location: home
In a few minutes, National Novel Writing Month 2007 will be over. Yet another chance at reaching 50,000 will have slipped through my fingers. I had felt so confident that I could reach my goal this year, and I'm not insanely angry or anything that I've not reached my goal (I did have a "valid" reason) but...

I don't know...

I had just been doing so well; I had been so confident that I would complete my novel this year. Looking back, I feel a bit of regret I'm not going to win this year. I mean, I am going to finish it...but I'm not going to touch it until after I get done with finals and everything. I want to have it done by the end of January...it's just so strange. I had been so close, and now it's just slipped through my fingers. I'm vaguely disappointed.

BAH! But I'm returning to school on Monday. Blech...maybe that's what's got me in such a state.

I just...I can't get over the fact that in a few hours it's going to be December. December! December, and I'm still wearing short skirts and light cardigans. December, and I'm leaving my house sans bright red pea coat. December, and I have yet to pull out my weird pseudo-Himalayan hat with the huge pom on the top. December!

I remember when I was a child and we would all be clad in coats long before Thanksgiving. I remember as a child, worrying about being too cold when I went trick-or-treating. I remember when I was really young and the whole city froze over and dad and Chaney and I played outside all day in the ice.

I remember two years ago when Sophie (and most of the population) was able to wear shorts on Christmas Day.

I miss the way things used to be.

Also, I think I may be Bennett's only friend. I thought it was kind of weird that he was at the hospital everyday when I was there...but then he started showing up at my house too. It turns out he's having some family troubles and I'm the only one (besides his shrink) that he feels comfortable talking with about it. I don't mind helping people out with their problems...but you can't honestly expect me to be on call all day everyday. I kind of want to tell him he needs to suck it up and just accept that his parents do not see things the way he does and that he's living under their roof and so he doesn't have a say in that but then I feel bad. I mean, I have this great social network filled with family and friends that I can rely on...he has no one.

But I just CANNOT deal with constantly having to counsel him at all hours. Normally people get paid a lot do this stuff, but here I am, doing it for free for someone I'm not even that close to. And it's not like I hate him...I'm just not that great of friends with him.

Also, today I discovered there exists a Geek magazine. That's the actual name of it. Geek. I love it. I think I'm going to subscribe.

Ah, but onto today. TODAY. I went out today. And not only did I go out, I DROVE. My mom and I went to the mall (!) and then we went to Blockbuster and then we went home. I'm just so ecstatic that I went out today.

Haha...and Beth makes me laugh. And I need some yarn for the amigurumi I want to give out. ♥~
Current Location: home
Current Music: Skeleton Stories
Current Mood: thoughtfully quirky
09 November 2007 @ 06:52 am
So if Cocoa Puffs are okay to eat for breakfast, why can't brownies?

*eats brownie*

Rinse, twist, repeat )
Current Music: oversimplified news
Current Location: plot hate
Current Mood: le bitch
26 October 2007 @ 06:45 am
Really stupid and pointless. I wouldn't read this unless I were really bored. I was seriously going to delete this after writing, but I figured...well I don't think I figured anything. Well, actually, yeah I was. I just...as weird as it is, I like to read about when people are having hard times (either fictionally or not) because it makes me see how blessed and easy my life is. I don't know if some of you are the same or not. I want to be able to go back to yesterday, see how miserable it was for me, and say "hey--I don't need other people to show me how great my life is, all I have to do is look at October 25!" So...yeah...trying something new this time around. Stupidity ensues....

< unnecessary post >

So...woke up today freezing my ass off. Could barely drag myself out of bed and am suffering from horrible allergies. Yesterday was awful...exhausted and allergy-ridden and cold.

Dear Party City customer... )

No offense, Kayla, by the blue apron thing. Just wanted to pick a store to use as an example that everyone would know about, even my out-of-state friends. And, let's face it, Wal-Mart sometimes makes it just too easy.

So...yeah. Been wanting to say that now for 1 year+ Since last Halloween season (i.e. September 06) started. Just thought some people would like some insight in something they couldn't give a shit about.

NaNo in less than a week-ish. Trying to find someone in the area to write with (kind of half-heartedly, I'll admit). I'm a bit weirded out though because last night my novel plans kind of flew out the window. I had that one idea that I had written about earlier...but now I'm pretty sure I'll be swapping that idea for one that is...well, I can't say easier, because NaNo is not meant to be easy....but I think it'll be smoother writing (?) idk....I'm a bit panicky because I'm not completely sure, but I am getting closer to positive that my idea has changed. I was actually kind of inspired by last night actually.

It feels weird, not preparing to Trick-or-Treat this year. I love it and I love getting dolled up in a costume. This year I'm staying home in my pjs. I had decided that last year, my senior year of high school would be the last for me. It's just...idk, strange? It's the end of a tradition...

*le sigh*

Back on Gaia for the moment....let's see how long it lasts before I get fed up with it again. They switched the site up on me again. I'm really not too sure how to navigate. It may as well be in Japanese for all I know.

*le sigh deux*

No poptarts this morning...I'm eating animal crackers. I think I'm in pop tart withdrawal, which just may be what is causing this weirdo mood.

< /unnecessary post >

I love my cats. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Anyone wanna NaNo with me?
Current Mood: blah
Current Location: home
Current Music: news
Well...I finished my paper on Pan's Labyrinth....at about 10:20 TODAY. ....oops. Oh well...I e-mailed it to him and he took it so whatev. Haha, I like saying "whatev" because it has attitude, rather than the ever-so-blah "whatever" that is dropped like money embezzled by a high-ranking college administrator. XD

Sigh....work in, like, SEVEN minutes and I really don't want to go. Yea it's convenient to work on campus and all that, but I really don't need the guilt-tripping from the oh-so-nice lady above me when I feel sick and want to cop out. I DO EVERYTHING SHE ASKS, but if I feel like crap and am not in the mood to get everybody in counseling sick, IT DOES NOT MATTER.

This is why people like Beth and me go to school with strep. *anger*

ALSO....MOAR ANGER!!! Not only was my film class CANCELLED yesterday, it is cancelled ALL WEEK. Instead of writing a paper on a film watched in our apparently now non-existant class, we must write a paper on his damn play. Like I have ten dollars to be dropping on this or that. Yes I have two jobs, but I don't have those jobs for petty money...I HAVE THEM TO SAVE SO I WON'T BE RELYING ON MY MOTHER WHO CANNOT AFFORD TWO KIDS BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB. I pay rent, I pay my insurance, I pay for a good deal of my own food, I pay for my gas, I pay for this and for that...but he just ASSUMES that we all have the "cash" to drop on some pointless play that I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO WATCH BECAUSE I AM SICK WITH A COLD THAT HAS GOTTEN WORSE AND WORKING TWO JOBS.

I used to love love love love love this class, but now I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it.

On top of all of this, we're not having class next week either because he has to go off and do some theatre competition. I'm sorry CASH CARPENTER but the world does not revolve around your THEATRE KIDS. This is what makes the Z___ G______'s of the world. BECAUSE EVERYONE ACTS LIKE BECAUSE THEY ARE IN THEATRE THEY GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT. Bull. Shit. Like no other bull shit in the world.

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Current Location: NHC
Current Mood: aggravated
20 September 2007 @ 01:12 pm
So....the Meta OP [livejournal.com profile] tian_shi sent me got here alright....I haven't taken any pictures because I basically feel like crap, but oh well.

Also, my arm itches.....just thought you'd like to know.

AND...I've got a weird head feeling.

I am bored....and tired...and not feeling well. I can't wait for the weekend so that I can take it easy and just relax and be sick without having to worry about school/work.

I feel really guilty because I missed Precalc today...even though I am sick and should be resting anyways! I'm also worried I'm going to end up dropping a lot of weight again, because I've had the constant nausea/dizziness that I had last year when I lost that weight. I'm already very thin--losing a lot of weight isn't good for my already shitty health. I just don't know what to do because I've been eating healthier, taking vitamins, getting more rest, etc. but all that happens is that I still get sick anyways. It's hard to focus on school work and act courteously when something is constantly wrong with me.

rant warning...read at your own risk or whatever )

Current Location: NHC
Current Music: none....
Current Mood: sick
08 September 2007 @ 10:27 pm
I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness... )


af·fir·ma·tion (āf'ər-mā'shən) n.
1. The act of affirming or the state of being affirmed; assertion.
2. Something declared to be true; a positive statement or judgment.
3. Law A solemn declaration given in place of a sworn statement by a person who conscientiously objects to taking an oath.


I don't care if you agree with me or not. Just don't go and post some idiotic "No you are wrong go to hell/you are an idiot/(insert some jackass comment here)" You are entitled to disagree. Just do yourself a favor and don't be unintelligent about it. Also, this is my journal...if I choose not to defend myself, it's because I feel as if I don't have to. Maybe I'm not in the mood for it, maybe I just don't want to argue or go back and forth about it. Maybe I just respect the fact that you don't agree with me and that you think differently and I honestly don't feel that I need to repeat myself several times over in an attempt to make you see things from my point of view. It's not because I'm a coward or dumb or anything else you may think of (I hope). I just don't see why I should persuade you to think differently than you do. I like you guys because you aren't me. I would greatly dislike spending time with no one but myself.

Also, the only reason I'm putting this little note before I begin is so that I'm not forced to repeat myself/argue for my virtue repeatedly/don't have to repeatedly tell you that my opinions are mine, not yours, and I am not saying you HAVE to agree with me. If you know you are not going to agree with me and you disagree with me so strongly that you think I'm wasting your time, then why spend MORE of your time telling me that? It'll just piss me off. I hate when people do that. If it's SO not worth your time, WHY BOTHER? < /rant filled with latent, pent up feelings from [livejournal.com profile] egl/facebook >

Ok...I'm done. I'll move on. Also, remind me to look up synonyms for "repeat". Thanks.


I believe... )

It's really amazing to just look at this list and realize that these are a good chunk of my beliefs laid out in what I hope is a semi-coherent way. Typing this up made me think and it made me realize how much my opinions have changed and been shaped by the different people and experiences in my life. I would recommend it to you guys because it just feels really cool to have something to look at and say, "Hey, this is what I believe in." I'm not saying it won't change, I mean come on, some small thing could happen tomorrow that ends up changing the majority of my beliefs--who knows? But it feels pretty darn cool to be able to look and see what I think listed out rather than simply having it all up in my muddled little head.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Glamorous Sky" - NANA starring Mika Nakashima
Current Location: home
07 September 2007 @ 10:47 pm
Several things....FIRST click here--------> clicky! ) for some BIG news.

That means I can drive you to school now Kayla.

NEXT: not so good news.

I have a job. At the college. In the Counselor's Office. In Marketing. That means that I basically sit around folding brochures whilst allowed to do NOTHING ELSE. So I sit. Folding Brochures. In the quiet. In a very comfortable chair. In which I start to doze. Until the girl above me walks in and is all like, "Are you okay? (freak)" And I have to be like "Yeah just restin' me eyes." Except today. NO...today had to be different Today I got to run around the skull putting fliers up in the restrooms. And on really high up bulletin boards. And tables. And little plastic sleeve-y things. All. Over. Campus. In heels. Because I had assumed that the stack of 1000+ fliers that I had not finished yesterday would be there today. But they weren't. Because the girls at the front desk got bored. And decided to fold them. And they apparently have the super power to fold thousands of fliers at break-neck speed. And I was tired. Because I was up at 5. To wait in line for 3 1/2 hours. At the f****** DPS office. Just so I could do my road test before English started. But I ended up missing English anyways. Because I HAD to do it today. And the only time available was at 10:30. 15 minutes before my class. So I was tired. And pissed off. In heels. Walking around campus. Touching things I do not normally touch. Only to return to the tiny little room that is the Marketing Department of the Counseling Office to wait. And wait. And wait some more. Because apparently Mishell had NO IDEA that I was actually going to require the fliers and posters if I was to put them up as per her orders. And the printer works slower than me trying to figure out a recipe. Oh yeah--I forgot the posters of DOOM. 'Nough said. I hate them. And I'm still not done with the fliers.

Liek....cool. I finally feel like an adult...kinda.

Schedule (School/Work):

10:45 - 11:50 English 1301
12:00 - 2:20 REALLY long lunch break
2:20 - 3:50 Development of the Motion Picture 2366 (Freaks paper due)
4:00 - 4:10 Stand outside of mother's classroom and make faces at her through the window in the door; get her in trouble with B.K.
4:15 - 4:45 Listen to mother's friend, lady I once baby-sat for, talk about the same thing several times over/her one son whilst forgetting she has another that she could mention
4:50 Finally depart North Harris College

8:05 - 10:30 Pre-calculus 2412 (supposed to end at 10:20, but Egley will invariably run over talking about something that has nothing to do with actual LEARNING)
10:31 - 10:32 Mad dash to next class which I am already late to as it started at 10:30
10:33 - 11:50 US History to 1877 (1301) (quiz)
12:00 - 12:55 Lunch break
1:00 - 5:30 Work

10:45 - 11:50 English 1301
12:00 - 2:20 REALLY long lunch break
2:20 - 3:50 Development of the Motion Picture 2366
4:00 - 4:10 Stand outside of mother's classroom and make faces at her through the window in the door; get her in trouble with B.K.
4:15 - 4:45 Listen to mother's friend, lady I once baby-sat for, talk about the same thing several times over/her one son whilst forgetting she has another that she could mention
4:50 Finally depart North Harris College

8:05 - 10:30 Pre-calculus 2412 (supposed to end at 10:20, but Egley will invariably run over talking about something that has nothing to do with actual LEARNING)
10:31 - 10:32 Mad dash to next class which I am already late to as it started at 10:30
10:33 - 11:50 US History to 1877 (1301)

8:00 - 10:30 Work
10:45 - 11:50 English 1301
12:00 - 12:55 Lunch break
1:00 - 4:30 Work


Am considering picking up a humanities course on lit/society/other humanitarian type things from the Renaissance period on. Because my schedule is too easy. In English we are learning how to write sentences. In Dev of the MP we watch movies. In Precalc he just cracks bad jokes the whole time. In history I am learning the same thing I've learned every year since first grade. I feel not busy enough.

Found a cool thingy online that was printable for my Bethy. Am angry because Sophie has one of my books that she never intends to read nor return. Am embarrassed because Ben went all vegan-animal smart on me and now feel like an idiot. Am TIRED because was up at FIVE O'CLOCK TODAY--AN UNGODLY HOUR.

Seriously, no higher being (who/whatever you do (not) worship) gets up before the sun does. That is why the sun is rising. Because (insert name of higher being here) is getting up for the day. Therefore: I should not have to get up before the sun or (higher being's name) does. Can I get a few "Yeas" here?

MECH. But I am tired so I am going to bed. GOOD NIGHT.

ALSO will write letters to Ben, Keri, Beth, Kim, et al. TOMORROW. OR NOT.

Current Music: NONE
Current Location: home
Current Mood: sleepy
22 August 2007 @ 11:47 am
Have you ever played that game--the one where one person will say, "The good thing is _____" and the next will say "The bad thing is ________" and the next will continue with "The good thing is ______" and so on and so forth? Well, here's my version of it:

The good thing is, the bad thing is... )

Haha...but speaking of Alex, every time I see him I think of that Regina Spektor song "Samson" and that makes me think of the Plain White T's song "Hey there Delilah" and then that makes me think about Alex and some random rocker-chick girlfriend that he apparently has in my head singing those songs to each other. And then I laugh out loud and everyone stares at me weirdly..... ^_^;

My air conditioner is fixed, so that's good.

I'm going to miss all of the people leaving, so that's bad.

And, (ugh) I start my classes on Monday. Blech. I don't want to go back to school, I just want to stay home and not do anything. But, on the bright side, I have an interview at the college tomorrow for a job. :D Which is very good because I need to start working again (which, in itself, is BAD because I have gotten very lazy and bum-like over the summer).

Haha...I saw the second Death Note movie, accidentally thinking it was the first. I felt really stupid after the fact, but I did like it.

Several Also's )

Chicken and Egg Roll )

I had fun. I don't get to see anyone that much lately. I've always joked about being a hermit during the summer, but I think I really did fulfill that this year (although it wasn't quite by choice). It makes me kind of sad, really.

Semi-kind of rant thing...don't read it if you're just going to bitch me out about it, I'm not in the mood today. )

I want to make this next year different. I want to honestly change. I just...I don't think I know how. I'm stuck in my ways, I guess, and that makes it hard to grow.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: home
Current Music: "That Time" - Regina Spektor
13 July 2007 @ 11:38 pm

Cheap lolita! Dx

So like, I'm a fairly stingy lolita. I have a budget of about 300 dollars every two weeks that has to meet all my needs.. for two weeks. >_>;
I'm a 15 year old girl living at home by the way. Just to clarify, it's solely for my own entertainment purposes, which are pretty minimal, but stretching it out over two weeks gets difficult. xD;
Also forgot to mention..
I'm paying 150 of that to my mother to pay back a laptop... which is gonna string out till the end of the summer. x_x;
Should have mentioned that. ^_^;
Seeing by the reactions.. I know I'm fortunate... but I work hard for it, and like I said, I'm a bit stingy and am looking for a good deal.

So what I'm asking is, what stores are gonna give me the best selection of clothing (under my budget)? I'm talking quality/price ratio here.


I'm sorry...I just...this makes me want to cry. She's complaining about having $300 bi-weekly (that's $600) a month to spend on ENTERTAINMENT and I have exactly 0% of that to spend on stuff that I NEED. Starting August, I'm going to actually be out $100 a month because my mother can't afford to pay for NECESSARY things anymore and she needs me to pay for my part of the cell/electric/water/food bills. My MOTHER does not have $600 a month...and I'm not talking about entertainment, that's for shit like food and bills. And it's not because she's some kind of bum or anything...she got laid off, and now she can't find work...she's tried, but no one will hire her. And, I'm sorry, I don't mean this as a "oh pity me I have no money" but this girl has no concept of REALITY.

And, yeah, I don't have ANY of this money stuff...but I can still afford to buy fucking lolita. I have only accumulated three skirts, three tops (not even nice blouses!), and one headdress, but I have worked my ass of for each and every single piece of my lolita wardrobe. And yet, here she is crying that she can't fucking afford it. BULLSHIT.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: pissed off.... :\
Current Location: home
Current Music: "Die Another Day" - Madonna
28 June 2007 @ 07:40 pm
Okay...first things first. Here's a teaser for a fic I'm working on. And yes, that's right. It's Harry Potter fanfiction. Behold ye, my geekiness.

Title: Untitled (WIP)
Series: Harry Potter
Characters: Percy Weasley, Penelope Clearwater (vaguely)
Rating: G(K) or PG(K+)...? For now...I don't think it'll get over a PG-13
Warnings: umm...?
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing FANFIC, now would I?

Really, he had just been making excuses then, just as he was now...And, of course, he was right...He was always right...Of course, always being right did have its own downsides. Such as now... )


Okay. Do I look like I am effing twenty-four years old? Seriously. DO I LOOK 24?!?!?! Oh. My. God. Some kids are just HUGE brats and should be killed right on the spot. Geez.

Current Mood: I am not twenty frickin' four!
Current Location: home
Current Music: "Glamorous Sky" - Mika Nakashima
18 May 2007 @ 11:56 am
It seems as if lately everyone is trying to force some big, dramatic thing to happen. But really, it's just sickening. We don't have that much time left, let's not push our luck. Everyone has their own limits and eventually, if you keep pushing them, they're going to crack. Pretty soon we'll all be leaving I would personally hate to see everyone depart on a sour note.


Graduation (Friends Forever) )


Four years ago I remember that about this time I wasn't studying for finals. I think I was trying to decide what movie we were going to see. Yeah, we. I said that right. Around this time four years ago I had a "twin". I hardly ever went anywhere by myself. I arrived at school with my brother and I left with him. Every other moment in between belonged to Ben. We were "best friends" and, let me tell you something, that doesn't count for anything anymore. Once upon a time we were attached at the hip; now, we hardly ever see each other.

I remember the first few times he caught my eye, way back in sixth grade. The first was when he was accidently given a viola. He was supposed to be a violin and they sent him a viola. If that had never happened, I wouldn't have taken notice of him. He ended up switching to the viola class. The next time I saw him, he was in a trash can. He, Preston Buchanon, and Zach Garrett had started some kind of trash can religion in Mr. Baron's math class. Mr. B hated it because it revolved around worshipping him for some reason, whatever it was. But, the first time I ever really spoke to him (or, at least, the first time it ever really sticks out in my mind) was at the sixth grade Rennaissance Festival.

I recall wearing a deep red dress and a matching cone hat thing. We were sitting in the cafeteria eating and I had gone up to his little group of friends to talk (probably about something completely inane). He worshipped me as a cone head. Like, seriously, worshipped me as a cone head. As soon as I took the hat off, he reverted into some hissing...thing that could hardly stand the sight of me. All I could think was, 'What a weirdo...he's funny, but weird.'

After that, we started hanging out. Gradually, it began to pick up in frequency and we were sitting by each other in class, walking to and from class together, and laughing in the lunch room like maniacs. We were in our own little world and no one could manage to force themselves between us. Somewhere in there we went from being friends to "best friends". I remember going to movies almost every week-end. Gods, we must have spent hundreds of dollars going to AMC. We would trade off, one buying the tickets the other buying food; sometimes we would treat one another.

The both of us have many good memories together (as does everyone, I'm sure). I can remember getting held after in Ms. Close's Earth Science class for making animal noises at each other. I remember his crows having sex noise. I remember his weird elephant noise. I remember us sitting in Mr. Baron's advisory class laughing while Lawton screamed out, "Oh my god, it almost hit me!" whilst Mr. B bled profusely. I remember no one in our youth choir believing him when he said the Heiffer Project was real, except for me. I remember screaming while we crossed the street because we always thought we were going to get run over. I remember calling him everytime I was freaking out and never having to stop before I dialed his number to think if he had time for me. I have to think now. I have to think every time I pick up the phone to call anybody. Somewhere along the way, I lost the ability to just blindly call someone whenever I needed them. I lost Ben, and there has yet to be someone to completely take his place.

They say that people come and go in our lives for many reasons. But what if you're not ready for them to go? We all say that we'll always be there for each other, that at least we can try to stay this way forever. But can we? All it took was one person moving here to shatter our carefully constructed world in which the two of us were safe from everything. All it took was one person arriving here to undo almost four years of...whatever it was. Does it really matter? It wasn't strong enought to last. Some people would call it growing apart, but there's nothing so abrupt about growing. There's nothing quite so painful as...well, personally, I would call it ripping, but that's just me. Nothing's forever. This won't last. Enjoy it while you can. Don't force drama to happen, it'll just push away those you hold dear faster and, trust me, ripping is painful.


"Have you noticed, Hikaru? The world, until now, has been either "our world" or "everything outside of our world". This is the first time a real intruder has appeared."

--Kaoru Hitachiin, Ouran High School Host Club episode 5
Current Mood: ugh....
Current Music: nothing...but I wish there were something....
Current Location: Choir Room
25 April 2007 @ 08:57 pm
You know that there's something wrong with you when you're begging your mother to let you go to school. I mean, WTF??? Most kids are begging to skip school. Geez....

So I'm sick again. Surprise there. I mean, since when aren't I? Well, it was a nice run, I wasn't ill and my only complaint was some really kinda bad joint pain and a migraine every once in a while. Oh, and to my doctor (who will most likely never read this): RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS MY ASS!!!! I bet it's some horribly incurable disease that I'm going to die from and thus have named after me. But really, it's strange, I've never had migraines up until recently (as in this year) and so that's weird...

But anyways...

A-kon Rant (that's a new one) )

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