22 May 2007 @ 08:34 pm
So....today was the last day of school for me. It's weird, because I always pictured it quite a bit different than how it actually happened. I guess I kind of saw everyone getting out and then "Dancing in the Streets" would start playing and paper would fly....you know, the stereotypical movie type thing.

I guess life isn't the movies.


I had a dream today...it kind of threw me off balance. It was really realistic, really believable. Except that one person was really out of character.

Sometimes, you just don't want to wake up.


You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw


It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it would be.
Randy K. Milholland


Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And we're together
"If we were a movie"
Current Location: home
Current Music: something by the rocketeer....
Current Mood: *sigh*
18 May 2007 @ 11:56 am
It seems as if lately everyone is trying to force some big, dramatic thing to happen. But really, it's just sickening. We don't have that much time left, let's not push our luck. Everyone has their own limits and eventually, if you keep pushing them, they're going to crack. Pretty soon we'll all be leaving I would personally hate to see everyone depart on a sour note.


Graduation (Friends Forever) )


Four years ago I remember that about this time I wasn't studying for finals. I think I was trying to decide what movie we were going to see. Yeah, we. I said that right. Around this time four years ago I had a "twin". I hardly ever went anywhere by myself. I arrived at school with my brother and I left with him. Every other moment in between belonged to Ben. We were "best friends" and, let me tell you something, that doesn't count for anything anymore. Once upon a time we were attached at the hip; now, we hardly ever see each other.

I remember the first few times he caught my eye, way back in sixth grade. The first was when he was accidently given a viola. He was supposed to be a violin and they sent him a viola. If that had never happened, I wouldn't have taken notice of him. He ended up switching to the viola class. The next time I saw him, he was in a trash can. He, Preston Buchanon, and Zach Garrett had started some kind of trash can religion in Mr. Baron's math class. Mr. B hated it because it revolved around worshipping him for some reason, whatever it was. But, the first time I ever really spoke to him (or, at least, the first time it ever really sticks out in my mind) was at the sixth grade Rennaissance Festival.

I recall wearing a deep red dress and a matching cone hat thing. We were sitting in the cafeteria eating and I had gone up to his little group of friends to talk (probably about something completely inane). He worshipped me as a cone head. Like, seriously, worshipped me as a cone head. As soon as I took the hat off, he reverted into some hissing...thing that could hardly stand the sight of me. All I could think was, 'What a weirdo...he's funny, but weird.'

After that, we started hanging out. Gradually, it began to pick up in frequency and we were sitting by each other in class, walking to and from class together, and laughing in the lunch room like maniacs. We were in our own little world and no one could manage to force themselves between us. Somewhere in there we went from being friends to "best friends". I remember going to movies almost every week-end. Gods, we must have spent hundreds of dollars going to AMC. We would trade off, one buying the tickets the other buying food; sometimes we would treat one another.

The both of us have many good memories together (as does everyone, I'm sure). I can remember getting held after in Ms. Close's Earth Science class for making animal noises at each other. I remember his crows having sex noise. I remember his weird elephant noise. I remember us sitting in Mr. Baron's advisory class laughing while Lawton screamed out, "Oh my god, it almost hit me!" whilst Mr. B bled profusely. I remember no one in our youth choir believing him when he said the Heiffer Project was real, except for me. I remember screaming while we crossed the street because we always thought we were going to get run over. I remember calling him everytime I was freaking out and never having to stop before I dialed his number to think if he had time for me. I have to think now. I have to think every time I pick up the phone to call anybody. Somewhere along the way, I lost the ability to just blindly call someone whenever I needed them. I lost Ben, and there has yet to be someone to completely take his place.

They say that people come and go in our lives for many reasons. But what if you're not ready for them to go? We all say that we'll always be there for each other, that at least we can try to stay this way forever. But can we? All it took was one person moving here to shatter our carefully constructed world in which the two of us were safe from everything. All it took was one person arriving here to undo almost four years of...whatever it was. Does it really matter? It wasn't strong enought to last. Some people would call it growing apart, but there's nothing so abrupt about growing. There's nothing quite so painful as...well, personally, I would call it ripping, but that's just me. Nothing's forever. This won't last. Enjoy it while you can. Don't force drama to happen, it'll just push away those you hold dear faster and, trust me, ripping is painful.


"Have you noticed, Hikaru? The world, until now, has been either "our world" or "everything outside of our world". This is the first time a real intruder has appeared."

--Kaoru Hitachiin, Ouran High School Host Club episode 5
Current Mood: ugh....
Current Music: nothing...but I wish there were something....
Current Location: Choir Room
19 February 2007 @ 09:25 pm
....when I was a little kid....

(It's mostly in order) )
Current Music: "Innocent" -- Rose Falcon
Current Mood: reminiscent
Current Location: home