25 July 2010 @ 11:33 am
I originally wrote this post because I was having some major problems with someone I interacted with in a LJ comm who was also on my flist. I was at first stuck about whether or not I should unfriend this person because all of the disagreements had happened off of my journal and because I knew my behavior had been pretty shitty (for lack of a better word) as well. I originally wrote this post in response to what I felt was a passive aggressive attack against both myself and another friend of mine. I've decided to leave it up and to continue linking to it however, because I still feel utterly ashamed that I allowed myself to become so catty. This is a post so that all of you can know the sort of behavior that I deem acceptable not only from the people I interact with online, but also from myself. And if you ever feel like I have failed to treat you the way I ask to be treated in this post, feel free to call me out on it. I am legally an adult now, but that doesn't mean that I always act that way and I am trying very hard to not fall back on old habits.

I don't mind randomly friending people. It's not something I do, but I am totally okay if you want to do that. If you friend me and ask me to friend you back, I most likely will. There are very few people who have friended me whom I have not friended back. Usually if I haven't friended someone back, it's because I never realized they friended me in the first place since I don't get notifications for that.

I very rarely unfriend people. I am not someone who frequently purges her f-list to keep it under a certain number. And when I do remove someone from my f-list, I won't make a post about. I don't like unfriending people without an explanation, but at the same time I think it is a dick move to say "Hey, I now find you offensive and no longer wish to socialize with you online."

I enjoy a good debate. I like learning about others' viewpoints and their reasoning for having those views. I respect you for having your own opinion and if I feel an argument is starting to go too far, I will back down. But I expect that same respect be returned. And if you repeatedly do not, it will seriously influence my opinion of your character. I say what I want, regardless of who may be reading because I feel that if you are interested enough to read about my life, you are mature enough to understand that people will have varied views AND THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

We all have bad days and we all have taken those bad days out on others. If you've ever spent time with me irl, you know I say a lot and with very little filter but that I will always stop if you tell me I have overstepped a boundary. This does not change online. However, because the internet cannot convey a tone of voice, it may take me a bit longer to move my behavior back to what you feel is comfortable ground, so be patient. While it is very easy for someone to say in person to me that they are not comfortable when I jokingly call them a bitch and for me to read both their body language and tone of voice and judge immediately how serious they are about it, the internet is much grayer. So I apologize in advance for any missteps on my part.

Everyone deserves a chance to correct their behavior. That goes for both myself and anyone I interact with. I don't hold grudges against the people I spend time interacting with. If you ever hit my last nerve, I will stop communicating with you completely rather than wasting time feeling negatively every time I see you online.

I'd like to think that I am very open-minded and capable of having a mature conversation. I understand that you may or may not share this view of myself. That's fine. I am moving past a point where others' opinions can seriously impact my own self image. I do however, still have moments of extreme self-doubt and I hope that it is not something anyone on my f-list would take advantage of and I hope that I am a good enough person to repay the favor.

I have friends with serious trauma in their pasts. So do I. I believe that the best way of coming to terms and coping with trauma is to be open and honest about it and it's affect on you. There is nothing wrong with someone talking about that on their personal journal, or about smaller difficulties in their lives. I also understand that everyone has a right to be childish and rant on his or her own personal journal. That is fine. I have had my share of those moments. You have to realize though, that this is my journal and I can talk about whatever I want on it. But if there is something that I repeatedly mention that is triggery in any way, let me know and I will try to post a small warning in the future before posting on the subject. Friends should feel safe around friends.

HOWEVER, there are a few things that will cause me to instantly consider unfriending you. I usually do not unfriend people in a fit of rage, because I think it's ridiculous to unfriend someone in a bout of emotion to only regret it later and go back and re-friend them. But if things are repeatedly happen which rub me the wrong way, I will unfriend you. These things are mostly:

  1. Repeated empty threats of suicide. I have had close friends attempt suicide before, and I do not support anyone who thinks that this is a good way of garnering attention.

  2. Repeatedly insisting your life is over, that you have no future, etc. This goes hand in hand with #1. There is a difference in saying, "Well, gee. I fucked up now I'm unsure of where to go with my life," and saying, "I mean I don't even see the point in trying because we're all just going to die anyway and it's just so pointless because nobody cares and drinking doesn't even take it all away anymore."

  3. Cruelty. If you get your kicks out of harming another living being, I don't want anything to do with you and I will report you to the authorities if I have enough information to do so. I value the well-being of all living things.

  4. Telling me that I should be over the death of my father because it happened several years ago. That is not how grief works. (And yes, I have had people say this to me before.) My dad's death greatly affected both me and my family and we will all most likely struggle with it for the rest of our lives.I can get a bit morose around the end of May and around major holidays. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me, but I do ask that you respect the authenticity of my emotions where this is concerned.

  5. Passive aggressively calling me out in one of your personal entries. If you have a problem with me, or with how I act, be mature and say it to my face. It's fine if you hurt my feelings. I can assure you, it won't be the first time. You can address my behavior on any entry of my journal or in a PM. I'd like to think I have made it PERFECTLY CLEAR that you can approach me if you take issue with the way I act. In fact, I welcome it. We are often blind to the shortcomings of our own personalities. But if you think you are going to be smart and pull out your passive aggressive pansy-assed attitude, do not think I cannot or will not play that game. I will ONLY treat you as maturely as you treat me. Respect begets respect. And if you want me to treat you one way but are unwilling to extend the same courtesy to me, I don't give a flying fuck about politeness.

Notice, I haven't said anything about privilege or politics here. I don't care if all of your bills are footed by your parents, your significant other, a trust fund, whatever. I don't care if you are liberal or conservative. What this all boils down to is that I try my hardest to respect you and in return I ask that you do the same. But if I feel like you have repeatedly disrespected my views, my feelings, and/or myself then I will unfriend you without comment.

Edited on 6/27/11 to be less ramble-y.