18 January 2008 @ 11:41 pm

I did not take this picture. I did not take this picture. I did not take this picture.

Now that that's over with....

Gawd, I miss high school. Not in a "oh-man-I-wanna-go-back" kind of way, but in a "aw-I-really-miss-it-but-never-want-to-go-back" kind of way. Pizazz was fun. Even though I was only in choir for a year, it was so amazing. The people were spectacular (for the most part). I miss my Chorale girls...

College is sow weird. Like, I'm really happy where I am, and even though I was miserable all throughout high school, I really miss that misery. I'm not used to being so....comfortable. But I think mostly I just miss the social part of it. And yes, that was what I hated about it...but it was one of those love/hate kind of things.

Ah, fond memories. Walking to Sonic in the summertime, hide 'n seek on Beth and Rob's street (and, once upon a time, Charles'!), cramming nine people into Travis' truck to drive places, passing notes in math class, the lunch room......I miss these things. I guess I just hadn't realized how much. And yes, there were times when I wanted to throttle every single last person in sight, and they happened quite often, but I wouldn't mind having those sentiments back if only it meant recapturing the good times like homecoming and prom and eating out and English. Gawd...I miss GT English so much right now.

And it's so strange, being in all of these classes and not really knowing anyone. I have acquaintances, but not buddies and chums like I used to. It feels strange having Calculus without Sean and Dr. Furuyama. It feels surreal to suddenly be one of the people who knows what she's doing in choir. It feels weird not hanging out in Soden's room and just being able to joke around with my teachers. I still can, but not like we used to. It feels completely bogus and lame-making that my teachers are suddenly treating me like I'm a child. Being in the advanced classes in high school really had its perks, but now I'm just lumped up with everyone else and it feels....strange. I'm not used to thinking on that level.

I guess I just never realized how much I would miss high school, as lame as that is. I was so focused on how disappointing the events and people were (especially senior year) that it kind of slipped by. And I really don't think it helped that the summer after we graduated was nothing like I thought it would be (you know what I'm talking about Beth). I was never that big in the social part of it all, but I miss what little of it I had.

Bah. That's my little melancholy-making rant for the week. Everybody go read Peeps by Scott Westerfeld now. It is AMAZING.
Current Music: "Leave Out All the Rest" - Linkin Park
Current Location: home
Current Mood: nostalgic
10 May 2007 @ 10:11 pm
Do you remember that game we used to play when we were kids? It was called "telephone"; it involved one person whispering a phrase in another person's ear, and then that person would whisper it into the next person's ear. Eventually, the message would become so garbled that it would no longer even resemble the original statement.

I did not get into a fist fight (I almost wish I had) and I did not quit Pizazz (but a part of me almost wants to). I simply had a little disagreement with one of the girls in Concert Women and then left because I wasn't feeling well. The two things had nothing to do with one another (well, okay, so they did help to influence each other a bit). I had been feeling poorly from the moment I woke up (which was about 7:30). My asthma was bothering me really badly and I felt pretty gross. As the day went on I started to feel worse. By the time I stopped home to pick up my shoes for dress rehearsal I was feeling pretty crappy and I got into a little mini-argument with my mother about going to practice (she wanted me to stay home). So, as you can probably imagine, I was in a pretty rotten mood by the time I got back up to the school.

As soon as I walked into the auditorium, I knew I should have stayed home because I could feel the fog from the fog machines aggravating my lungs even further. I tried using one of my inhalers, but it made no difference (none of them, and I have three, had worked all day). I just wanted to get practice over with as soon as possible and I knew that it wouldn't move very quickly if people kept talking while we were trying to get stuff done. So, I snapped a bit at the girls behind (I admit that I could have tried being a bit nicer at first, but when you can't breathe your judgment tends to be a bit lacking) and ended up getting into a wee little tiff with one of them that she felt she had to continue backstage. She wanted me to listen to her point of view (to which I had no objections) but wouldn't listen to me when I stated that the only reason I was even snapping was because she wasn't listening to Fahnders and Craig to begin with. Our argument was doing nothing but upsetting me (which just further aggravated my asthma). Eventually, I had to go outside to try to clear my lungs (and head and stomach because by this point my cranium was pounding and I felt like I was about to regurgitate a horse). However, by this time hell had erupted what with many girls choosing to pick sides (which can be quite problematic) and there was some kind of riot or something, I don't know. I called my mom and asked her to pick me up because I couldn't make it through practice (due to my emotional and physical state) and then Mr. Craig showed up asking me if I had hit a girl. All I could think was, 'What the hell, is someone fighting??' And I told him no, but I was going home and he said alright. I went back in to get my stuff and several girls (I'm not quite sure who because you don't really look at faces when you can't breathe) were all like, "Oh nuh-uh, you ain't commin' back herr," to which I responded I was leaving. I walked back into the Stu-Co room to get my stuff and found the girl with which I was having the tiff with holding court singing damnations about me. Which really kind of just pissed me off.

I'm still going to be in Pizazz (apparently there were some rumors going about saying I wasn't), although I feel it will be an interesting experience, quite unlike I had imagined it. To be perfectly honest, I'm a bit wary of going up on stage with them and being backstage now. But I'm not going to let it bother me further. Really, it's already soured this whole experience for me. I tried not to let all of the drama ruin Pizazz for me, but geez, there's only so much ignoring you can do.
Current Music: Regina Spektor
Current Location: home
Current Mood: *sigh*