Well guys....Valentine's Day is coming up. And boy do I know it. Working in a party store tends to heighten your awareness of each and every single holiday. Normally, as I love holidays, that is no problem. However this year, I have discovered I suffer from a well-known and well-cited ailment known as Valentine's Day Hating Sickness. I have no idea why, usually I go bonkers over it and all that jazz, but somehow this year is different.....

But I'm not here to piss and moan about how I'm sick of hearing about the "L" word and whatnot. I'm here to ask you all for your opinions.

Some of you may know that I have an account over at deviantART. If you didn't, now you do. There. Easy peas-y lemon squeeze-y. Now seeing as Valentine's Day is coming up, I'm thinking of doing some kind of Valentine's Day themed work to put up on our beloved internetz (lol....I am SO an English major XD). It's common-ish practice for members of dA to put junk up around the holidays/seasons but I've never done it and I kind of want to. Hre's where you come in.

I want you to tell me what to do. Mostly because I'm indecisive. Partly because I'd like some direction. So fill out this cute little poll thingamabob that I just made and tell me what you think/want.

( Click for poll thingamajig )

Okay now I am going to bed because I have class in seven hours. :[



x-posted to dA

So I got to talk with Beth today about a certain guy who has me smitten and just happens to be in my Art History class next semester (it occurs to me now that he may read my blog and may now think I am some crazy internet stalker....) and I think I'm okay with how I....feel? I don't know....

I guess it's mainly just that I've never had a long relationship that turned out well. I guess I'm kind of scared to be bonkers over some guy. I also heard somewhere that a girl's future relationships are shaped by her relationship with her father. :\ ....Dad and I were close when I was a kid, but the last few years we...well, weren't. I think that as much as I want to have a relationship of any kind, I'm just not confident enough to think that I won't screw it up.

Yeah...that's right, me.

I don't want my insecurities to get in the way of this absolutely great guy who has told me that he's interested in me but I think they may be. I just keep thinking of all the ways he'll do everything perfectly and then I'll go and screw it up.

Which is insane. And I know this, and that just makes it even crazier.

In the past I've just told that stupid little voice in the back of my head to shut up and it did. I've been flirting with guys for months. I've never had any trouble just acknowledging my feelings, disposing of my insecurities and then move on to whatever was there. But now, every time I think about him, I just think of all the ways I can screw up. And it doesn't make any sense!!!

But talking with Beth helped. We didn't really talk much, and I don't remember exactly what she said, but whatever it was, it struck a chord in me and kind of helped whack me over my head and realize that even if I screw up, at least I tried. Really, I think I'm just over-thinking this. I've never done that before...

( When you live... )

Oh geez....I have turned into the very thing I hate. You know those girls who sit by the phone and wait for a guy to call? Or the ones that net-stalk the poor guy?Or the ones whose days are ruined when they don't hear from him? Yeah....guilty as charged.

I just....geez.... This has never happened before. I always swore I would keep a level head when it came to guys and, for the most part, I have yet to turn into well...someone who is constantly talking about "boyfriend" (I'm sure you know who I mean...). I mean.....gods! I'm not even dating the guy! We're just friends and we talk and we enjoy each other's company and words. And yeah....yesterday may have been a bit squeal-inducing had I been any other girl....but I usually keep my head when this shit happens! What makes it even crazier is that for the past I don't know how many months I have been telling Keri that college guys are no good and they all just want to have fun and aren't interested in serious relationships REGARDLESS of what they tell you. What makes it even crazier than that is that at the beginning of the semester I promised myself no guys until I got my ass the hell out of Humble, and here I am, seriously considering just asking the guy out. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!

Honestly, you'd think with the way the last few have turned out that I'd be ready to swear off guys forever and just become a lesbian, or at least bi, but nooooo....Megan has to have her little tee-hee girl moment and get all melt-y whenever she thinks of this person. Blech. No...Megan is not a girl. Megan will suck up and act like the man of the house she is supposed to be. Men of the house(man of the houses? men of the houses? man of the house-s? how would you pluralize that one?) don't fawn over some guy who will most likely just waltz right out of her life just as quickly as he waltzed in. End of story. Megan =/= girl. Megan =/= squeal-y. Megan =/= melt-at-the-thought-of-him. Megan = ....what?

Whatev. Megan needs to take her own advice for once and keep her own promises to herself.