So if Cocoa Puffs are okay to eat for breakfast, why can't brownies?


*eats brownie*







Also, ever since WriMo started, I've been kind of angry-feeling. Maybe I'm getting involved with the characters.....but I get the feeling I'm just really angry. These past few days I've been really missing my dad for some reason and I'm back to square one (feeling like I'm left behind/a loser/insert negative things here). I don't even know what happened. I was so content and then one day it just hits me: 1) I want my daddy, and 2) I went to fucking community college because I didn't know what I wanted to do. Now I'm even more confused than before. I've wanted to write for years. Years and years and years and years....but I know that the kind of writing I want to do doesn't necessarily provide for a stable career immediately (if ever). My family has had financial trouble all my high school career. Hell, we still do. It may even be getting worse, but I honestly do not know because I don't see enough of my mom to sit down and talk about our shitty finances, which in itself is pretty wreck-making. I don't wan to have to do this all over again when I'm older. I ready for it to end now. More than ready, in fact. I want to be rich out of the wazoo immediately out of college and I never want to see financial trouble. Ever. Not even an "oh I want to buy this but I have no cash or card on me even though I can afford it." Never. Again. To top it all off, I've just been so busy, I haven't had time to think. I'm constantly in motion, never taking a break...and yet I'm back to feeling like I'm standing still and the world is speeding past. Maybe not even standing still. Maybe I'm just in a whole other plane of existence. I went to the mall on Wednesday and realized that they had the Christmas decos out. I looked around and everywhere was riddled with memories and yet strangely apathetic at the same time. We're pulling out all the Christmas shit at Party City and I just can't get out of my head that it all came too fast--that maybe it's still summer and I'm just imagining all these things happening around me in my head. I drive through Humble, and I realize that given a year, maybe even less, maybe even now, and my father wouldn't recognize it. At all. That's just so sad. I feel completely disconnected. The world has its pace; I have mine. Nothing feels tangible anymore...it's all just slipping through my fingers. I feel like I'm running out of time to prove that I was here, to leave my concrete mark on the world. I know for some reason you guys aren't getting my updates. Some of you may not even read this for several weeks or more. But I don't even care. I feel like I have to put something down so that when I'm completely separated from this place, I can look back and say, "Yes. Yes, I was there. What I felt and saw and experienced was real. I'm not imagining it at all. Look at this. I was there. They saw me."

But even if you see me, it's not enough. I used to feel like Humble was stifling me. Now I feel like it's too much.