Okay. Last night ROCKED. It was a pretty good crowd, too. Mom and brother were there, as well as Cash and Darwin. Noske was a no-show, but I pretty much was expecting him to flake out. He forgets everything.

Personally, I performed better at the night show, but as a whole, we did best at the afternoon one. Meghan's dress looked really beautiful. I completely want it. The soloists were amazing. I did drop my program order off my stand in the middle of "Il bianco e dolce cigno"....hehe, I am always the one having awkward moments when everyone can see them. XD Oh, and Erica forgot to come in on the second verse of "Under the Boardwalk," and I got really spooked hearing only my voice there, since we're the only two altos in Pop Singers. BUT I think we had an impressive performance.

Oh, and I almost left my purse backstage. That would have been very, very bad. Luckily, I remembered it was there at the last minute.

So for the past few days, I've been really missing my dad and I have no idea why. Well, obviously I miss him because he's not here anymore, but I have no clue as to why there was this sudden rise of emotion. So I've been in a pretty shitty mood for a while. The culmination of the whole thing was me bursting into tears while driving to school on Wednesday. I ended up being really late to choir, and I even started crying while I was singing. Ugh. But I guess I needed it because by yesterday I was fine.

Now I have to go to work (gross) but whatever. Geez....I just want to stay home and sleep. I think I'm coming down with something. I just really hope I'm not sick all through spring break. :\

(Also known as "The Huge Wall of Text" post)


Il est bel et bon

Il est bel et bon, bon, bon, commère, mon mari,
Il ètait deux femmes toutes d'un pays,
Disant l'une à l'autre avez bon mari?
Il ne me courrouce ne me bat aussi.
Il fait le ménage, il donne aux poulailles,
Et je prends mes plaisirs.
Commère c'est pour rire
Quand les poulailles crient:
Co, co, co, co, de, petite coquette, qu'est ceci?



So we are singing this song, "Il est bel et bon," in concert choir and it's (obviously) in French. And you know what? I really, really, really miss being in French class. I mean, I rocked the French honors students with my amazingly mad French skills. And you know how much French I can speak now? None. Well, practically none. I think the most complex thing I can say is est-ce que je peux aller au toilette s'il vous plait? That's right. I can ask if I can go potty. And that's basically it.

Well, okay. I can talk about weather, too. Par example, aujourd'hui, le 7 de février, il fait très froid. Mais, il ne fait pas pleut aujourd'hui. Je déteste le pleut. But that's it. That is pathetic. I was a French honors student for two years. I was in French for three years. I attended French Symposium three years in a row. I was asked to be in the French Honor Society. I rocked at French like Tom Paris rocks the holosuite. But now I don't. That is just pathetic.

I really want to take some French classes now and pick back up what I've forgotten. I don't like that I've forgotten so much of it. It really bothers me.

But since I'm on the subject of les toilettes...

The stupid women's potty keeps breaking at Party City. So I can never use it. It literally only works when I have no use for a toilet. And, yes, I have been saying potty for the vast majority of this post. Yes I am in college. Yes I still use the word "potty." It is one of my many charms. Potty. Gawd...just saying it makes me feel so juvenile.....


Je suis très fatigué maintenant. I don't know why though....


OH AND IN ASTRONOMY TODAY I GOT TO BE MARS. THAT WAS THE EPITOME OF COOL.


Haha...every time I hear someone say "That's not P.C." (as in "politically correct"), I think they mean "That's not Party City," because that's how we abbreviate Party City at, well, Party City.

Gawd I am in such a weird mood today.



For some reason, on the way to Party City from school, I was reminded of the train wreck that was graduation day. I really think that that whole day was absolutely disgusting. I cried once Keri, Trav, and I got there because I was really sad my dad would not be there and I remember specifically telling Keri not to tell anyone I had been crying, and yet as soon I climbed up on the risers for the seniors to rehearse SSB what do I hear but, "Hey Megan? Are you okay? Why were you crying?" What?!?! After the whole ceremony (which was long and boring and could have used some excitement) and eating a really late lunch with the family (Gene counts as family in my head, fyi) I was waiting and waiting and waiting at home for either Keri or Travis to call me to let me know whether or not they were going over to Whitney's party so I could get a ride, since I wasn't sure where she lived. By the time I FINALLY got in touch with one of them (Keri, because Lurch never answers his phone), I found out that they were both there and had FORGOTTEN to call me. Oh, and could I get a ride to Amy's that night because of some lame reason that meant they couldn't get me? Gee....thanks guys.

Really though, I'm glad all that shit happened and I was able to spend the night with Alex and Ben, because those two are the most amazing guys I have EVER known. Alex is so sweet and funny and Ben is.....Ben. 'nuff said.

But still....I wonder what warranted me being constantly "forgotten" all throughout middle and high school? I always felt like the last one to be included. And I know I wasn't the only one. There's another person, an absolutely brilliant and amazing person who was also left out a bunch and I honestly want to know why we weren't good enough to get invited everywhere. No, scratch that. I don't think I want to know. It would probably just be some lame-ass excuse anyways.

But you know what? Now I'm in college and I have at least two completely NEW people who think that I am kind of a big deal and fierce. And I like that. I just want to know why it took so long for anyone to notice.


Hehe...since I'm on the subject of Dad, I'm sure he'll be disgusted to know that Mommy got me an Elvis shirt for Christmas. He hated Elvis. Oh, and I've been blaring the King in the truck too. His truck. Elvis blaring in his truck. XD OH AND I AM PWNING EVERYONE AT CALCULUS DADDY!!!!!!! WOOO!

I did not take this picture. I did not take this picture. I did not take this picture.

Now that that's over with....

Gawd, I miss high school. Not in a "oh-man-I-wanna-go-back" kind of way, but in a "aw-I-really-miss-it-but-never-want-to-go-back" kind of way. Pizazz was fun. Even though I was only in choir for a year, it was so amazing. The people were spectacular (for the most part). I miss my Chorale girls...

College is sow weird. Like, I'm really happy where I am, and even though I was miserable all throughout high school, I really miss that misery. I'm not used to being so....comfortable. But I think mostly I just miss the social part of it. And yes, that was what I hated about it...but it was one of those love/hate kind of things.

Ah, fond memories. Walking to Sonic in the summertime, hide 'n seek on Beth and Rob's street (and, once upon a time, Charles'!), cramming nine people into Travis' truck to drive places, passing notes in math class, the lunch room......I miss these things. I guess I just hadn't realized how much. And yes, there were times when I wanted to throttle every single last person in sight, and they happened quite often, but I wouldn't mind having those sentiments back if only it meant recapturing the good times like homecoming and prom and eating out and English. Gawd...I miss GT English so much right now.

And it's so strange, being in all of these classes and not really knowing anyone. I have acquaintances, but not buddies and chums like I used to. It feels strange having Calculus without Sean and Dr. Furuyama. It feels surreal to suddenly be one of the people who knows what she's doing in choir. It feels weird not hanging out in Soden's room and just being able to joke around with my teachers. I still can, but not like we used to. It feels completely bogus and lame-making that my teachers are suddenly treating me like I'm a child. Being in the advanced classes in high school really had its perks, but now I'm just lumped up with everyone else and it feels....strange. I'm not used to thinking on that level.

I guess I just never realized how much I would miss high school, as lame as that is. I was so focused on how disappointing the events and people were (especially senior year) that it kind of slipped by. And I really don't think it helped that the summer after we graduated was nothing like I thought it would be (you know what I'm talking about Beth). I was never that big in the social part of it all, but I miss what little of it I had.



Bah. That's my little melancholy-making rant for the week. Everybody go read Peeps by Scott Westerfeld now. It is AMAZING.

So I'm in pop choir now.

I can imagine you are all aksing, "Well gee Megan, how did that happen?" and then adding on "Especially since you have to audition to get into it and you never did." Well my friends, it goes something like this.

ME: *wanders into choir room and sits down to read*

SHIRK: *walks in room starts putting seating chart up on board*

ME: *looks nosily and sees that she has been assigned to sit front row center*

SHIRK: *walks out*

ME: *panics because can't sing* (thinks) OMG WHY AM I IN THE FRONT?!?!?!?!?1 *drama attack*

OTHER STUDENTS: *walk in*

SHIRK: *comes in with Huge Tomes of Music that are a Pretty Green Color and sets them on the piano* Okay everyone get a book...this is our music for the next concert.

ME: *gets book and opens it up, realizes it is mostly Italian and German, has never sung in Italian or German....freaks out more internally. Looks around room to see/hear others going through music*

SHIRK: *catches eye and does some weird Come-hither-you-are-damned motion*

ME: *follows like an idiot*

SHIRK: Blah blah blah Pop Singers needs another alto blah blah blah interested? Blah blah blah scholarship blah blah blah Dr. Faber blah blah blah $200. Blah blah blah schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays blah blah blah. Interested?

ME: *is stunned and in shock, possibly suffering from traumatic shock syndrome* ...Yeah okay...I'm free.

SHIRK: Ok great see you tomorrow. By the way how well do you read music?

ME: I used to play violin.

SHIRK: Great. See you Thursday.

ME: *adkfjaskdj* o.o

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Megan ended up in pop choir. And she's still not sure exactly what happened there.... ????????

....because that's what happens when you go back to school. :)

Choir seems cool. I have a friend. :) I feel like such a dork for saying that. Her name's Erika and she has hair down to her KNEES! It's AMAZING~ She's a communications major and she sings, draws, dances, and plays piano. A quadruple threat, that one. Mr. What's-his-name wants me to be a soprano II/alto I...... wow. Me? Soprano. That's.....weird. At least he didn't say soprano I.....then I'd have to whack some sense into his head. Really, my little scale-singing time sucked. I was never that great at singing, and then that tube went down my throat.... :( I felt sorry for him having to listen to that.

AND OMG I HAVE ART HISTORY WITH DARWIN/TREY!!!!! Yay~ Now I have an excuse to see him twice a week plus more when we go to the museum to work on our homework. XD Conners is pretty cool, he kept saying stuff like, "And now you think your professor's on meth" and I kept thinking "No...I've seen a teacher drugged up and you are definitely not there (yet)" But yeah....Robert from English is there. Fun fun fun.

Tomorrow I've got Calculus and Astronomy....yay yay yay. But boo because I have a three hour break between the two, but I can't pick up any more hours because it will "overload" me. Please....I can take freaking 19 hours. Just because some people can't deal with the stress doesn't mean I can't. *thinks top out rule is lame*

Oh, more lame things: the No Child Left Behind act (I have more to hold against this piece of legislature now), Gov. Rick Perry's new temporary housing, and my lack of yogurt. BLAH......I just feel....weird right now.

My mouse pad thing on my laptop is being retarded....for some reason, my mouse cursor thing (can you tell how technical I am?) is jumping around and sitting in the various corners of my screen and not moving. I try to move it, and it just jumps back. ...Not sure if I'm describing this well, but I was just wondering if this is normal or something.

Good weekend. Kinda. Friday was really disappointing. I don't know what I was thinking, that after a bit of time, things would be somehow different. It still felt the same...like I was having to fight for attention because they all had their little inside jokes and closeness and I was just uninvited. But I've always felt like that, kind of like an intruder. I guess I was hoping it would be different, but I was just fooling myself. I surprised myself...it didn't actually bother me as much as I wanted it to. (?) I feel right at home at NHC...I don't mind butting into conversations and I feel welcome. I guess it's just kind of sad that I can feel so comfortable with a bunch of people I've never seen before when I don't with some life-long friends. :\

Saturday was good. I had missed my Sophie. I wasn't feeling well, but what's new? My sinuses were bothering me and I was really out of it, so I'm worried I wasn't much fun. But I loved seeing her. I bought her a smoothie and I was able to get some books from Half-Price Books. It was really nice to see her. I got a blouse from Target...one of the Alice Temperly for Target things. It's really grand.

Today I just took it easy because I coughed up some yellow-colored mucus early this morning when I woke up. That's a sign that there's some kind of infection in my body (yay for actually learning something from my constant illnesses!) and I don't want to get horribly sick now, what with me starting at Party City tomorrow and all.

Oh gawd. I am looking so forward to voting this year. I have no idea why, I was just struck with this insane "OMG I wanna vote NOW" mood a while back. Other things I'm looking forward to: 1) Extras, omg! 2) getting my issue of La Vie en Rose 3) Party City 4) seeing the Lucy's Legacy exhibit at the museum 5) seeing the re-designed Cockrell Butterfly Center 6) Christmas break and seeing EVERYONE 7) Oni-Con.

Aaaaahhh....love my dearies, infinite and un-ending love towards all of you. I'm looking so forward to this week--it's going to be hectic, but it will be a nice change to be insanely busy for once.

Meh...but Sophie didn't call me when she left like she promised. :( But whatever....I don't feel like being angry right now.




love love love love love love love love love


Love by ~Shachiel on deviantART

"Love seems to be something to approach with caution, as if you'd come across a wrapped box in the middle of the street and have no idea what it contains. A bomb, maybe. Or a million dollars."
-Deb Caletti, Wild Roses

I've got love on the mind. That doesn't mean I want to fall in love, I'm just in a love-filled and inspired mood. I want to see it in the world around me, but I don't want to experience it. I think I'm burned...I'm worried I'm going to shy away from it because of what happened when I first fell in love. I loved him and he hurt me. A lot. I'm just not ready to fall head-over-heels myself yet. But I wouldn't mind seeing it. The world needs more love.


Wouldn't want to... by *girltripped on deviantART


Hate Love? Love Hate? by *chrometourmaline on deviantART

Sadly, the two go hand in hand...