So my mommy's been sick....been taking care of her. Now I haven't finished half of what I should have. And am getting chewed out by her because of it. I'm sorry the house is a mess mom, I've been trying to get ready for school on Monday. I'm sorry I'm not ready for school, I've been taking care of you. Really, your thanks are unnecessary. And what has my brother been doing all this time.

Umm....having a life?

I'm sorry, but just because I'm the good kid, the responsible kid, doesn't mean I'm not entitled to having my own life. It doesn't mean that I don't have my own stuff I want to do. It doesn't mean that I should be punished with extra stuff to do simply because other people aren't responsible enough to get it done.

I'm sorry, but I thought young people were supposed to enjoy life--not watch it speed past them in the company of everyone else.

I'm not saying, "Oh boo hoo look at me I'm Cinderella," but why am I the only one here doing anything? How come when I hear people talk about my brother and me, it's always, "Don't worry-Megan will take care of (insert something here). Chaney's a boy, he'll do what he wants." I know this will sound like a whiny brat, but what the fuck about MEGAN?!?!?! Why is she the one doing everything while her brother goes off and, huh, I don't know....LIVES? Why is it that Chaney can go out whenever and wherever he wants, while Megan stays home and does what he doesn't and Megan get the whole "well do you really have to blah blah blah?" YES Megan has to. WHY? Maybe because Megan wants her own life.

Oh. I'm sorry. Megan's a good girl. She has no life. Just several burns, blisters, and knife wounds from doing what her darling brother isn't expected to. No good deed goes unpunished.

But really--this has been bothering me for years. Every time I do something I'm asked why it couldn't be done cleaner, faster, better--what have you. Brother does something and it's "well at least he did it. Isn't it great he's doing something?" But I've been doing something. I've been doing lots of somethings but it doesn't matter because I'm the good kid. I do stuff and it's "ok time to move on now" but he gets a parade! It's not a new thing--even when we were kids, dad would go to his things, but I would have to beg to get him to go to mine. I honestly think that's why I stopped caring about my violin. I practiced so hard and so much (over two hours a day!)--and for what? "That doesn't sound right Megan and oh yeah I'm not going to your concert again." Or, "Not going to see you in the parade Megan," "Why isn't this grade higher Megan?"

Oh but isn't it great that my brother is practically failing his classes? His grades are so high! How mediocre of me that I managed to pull out of my first semester of college after missing just under a month because I was in the hospital and still had A's and two very high B's. Well gee...maybe if I had managed a 4.0 GPA I could have gotten a sticker or something.

Or something.

You Only Get What You Give

Wake up, kids.
We've got the dreamers disease.
Age fourteen, they got you down on your knees.
So polite, we're busy still saying please.

Frienemies, who when you're down ain't your friend.
Every night we smash a Mercedes Benz.
First we run and then we laugh till we cry.

But when the night is falling,
You cannot find the light, light.
If you feel your dreams are dying, hold tight.

You've got the music in you.
Don't let go.
You've got the music in you.
One dance left.
This world is gonna pull through.
Don't give up.
You got a reason to live.
Can't forget.
We only get what we give.

I'm coming home, baby.
You're the tops.
Give it to me now.

Four A. M., we ran a miracle mile.
We're flat broke, but hey, we do it in style.
The bad rich, God's flying in for your trial...

But when the night is falling,
You cannot find a friend, friend.
You feel your tree is breaking just then.

You've got the music in you.
Don't let go.
You've got the music in you.
One dance left.
This world is gonna pull through.
Don't give up.
You got a reason to live.
Can't forget.
We only get what we give.

This whole damn world could fall apart.
You'll be OK, follow your heart.
You're in harms way.
I'm right behind.
Now say you're mine.

You've got the music in you.
Don't let go.
You've got the music in you.
One dance left.
This world is gonna pull through.
Don't give up.
You got a reason to live.
Can't forget.
We only get what we give.
Don't let go.
I feel the music in you.

Fly... high.
What's real can't die.
You only get what we give.
You're gonna get what we give.
Don't give up.
Just don't be afraid to leave.
Health insurance rip off lying. FDA big bankers buying,
Fake computer crashes dining.
Cloning while they're multiplying.
Fashion shoots,
With Beck and Hanson,
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson.
You're all fakes,
Run to your mansions.
Come around,
We'll kick your ass in!

Don't let go.
One dance left.
Ooh ooh ooh, don't give up.
Ooh ooh ooh, can't forget.
Ooh ooh ooh, don't let go.