Valentine's are DONE!

...now i just need to find some envelopes to mail them in XD Oh, and study for my astronomy test. Blech.

Today's been a good, productive day. I finally got deviantART to cooperate with my compy again, only to discover that they've completely fscked with the categories. It seems that somehow every single category I used for my photographs has vanished. Gross.

I'm sleepy....I'm going to try to go to be early tonight.

Annnnnd.....for your viewing pleasure:





Isn't she precious? Haha....and now I have "Life is Precious" stuck in my head. XD I miss choir tour sooooo much it's not even funny. I remember last year (my last year!) Ben and I hung out in the back of the bus chowing down on chocolate Teddy Grahams (they're vegan friendly!) and sleeping. Twelfth grade choir tour was just like eighth grade choir tour. It was just me and Ben. This year I was Hypochondriac Buddy and he was Green Buddy. We visited the stupid McDonald's in who-knows-where. On the last day, when we sang whatever the heck that song is called, we hugged each other, just like before. And I really miss him. I hate that he's in Austin. It feels so weird not seeing him. It's like ninth grade all over again, when I stopped having classes with him. It was such a shock. In eighth grade we had all our classes together--even P.E.! But suddenly in ninth grade, I hardly saw him. Now he's in Austin, living it up and loving it and I'm still here. But it's always been like that. He's always been one step ahead of. *insert more Ben-angst* I miss my stupid trash can religion starting, weird-noise making, super intelligent, amazingly caring, absolutely awesome hobbit guy! :'[ Gah....I love him.

But I don't love how he never comes home anymore. He's such a hippie loser like that. XD

But it was great that we got to stand by each other for "Nothing's too Good for my Friends." That was too perfect. That last choir tour performance was everything Pizazz! and graduation weren't. I miss PRAISE choir sooooo much. I really kind of sort of want to go back and just sing there forever. For. Eh. Ver. XD

(Also known as "The Huge Wall of Text" post)


Il est bel et bon

Il est bel et bon, bon, bon, commère, mon mari,
Il ètait deux femmes toutes d'un pays,
Disant l'une à l'autre avez bon mari?
Il ne me courrouce ne me bat aussi.
Il fait le ménage, il donne aux poulailles,
Et je prends mes plaisirs.
Commère c'est pour rire
Quand les poulailles crient:
Co, co, co, co, de, petite coquette, qu'est ceci?



So we are singing this song, "Il est bel et bon," in concert choir and it's (obviously) in French. And you know what? I really, really, really miss being in French class. I mean, I rocked the French honors students with my amazingly mad French skills. And you know how much French I can speak now? None. Well, practically none. I think the most complex thing I can say is est-ce que je peux aller au toilette s'il vous plait? That's right. I can ask if I can go potty. And that's basically it.

Well, okay. I can talk about weather, too. Par example, aujourd'hui, le 7 de février, il fait très froid. Mais, il ne fait pas pleut aujourd'hui. Je déteste le pleut. But that's it. That is pathetic. I was a French honors student for two years. I was in French for three years. I attended French Symposium three years in a row. I was asked to be in the French Honor Society. I rocked at French like Tom Paris rocks the holosuite. But now I don't. That is just pathetic.

I really want to take some French classes now and pick back up what I've forgotten. I don't like that I've forgotten so much of it. It really bothers me.

But since I'm on the subject of les toilettes...

The stupid women's potty keeps breaking at Party City. So I can never use it. It literally only works when I have no use for a toilet. And, yes, I have been saying potty for the vast majority of this post. Yes I am in college. Yes I still use the word "potty." It is one of my many charms. Potty. Gawd...just saying it makes me feel so juvenile.....


Je suis très fatigué maintenant. I don't know why though....


OH AND IN ASTRONOMY TODAY I GOT TO BE MARS. THAT WAS THE EPITOME OF COOL.


Haha...every time I hear someone say "That's not P.C." (as in "politically correct"), I think they mean "That's not Party City," because that's how we abbreviate Party City at, well, Party City.

Gawd I am in such a weird mood today.



For some reason, on the way to Party City from school, I was reminded of the train wreck that was graduation day. I really think that that whole day was absolutely disgusting. I cried once Keri, Trav, and I got there because I was really sad my dad would not be there and I remember specifically telling Keri not to tell anyone I had been crying, and yet as soon I climbed up on the risers for the seniors to rehearse SSB what do I hear but, "Hey Megan? Are you okay? Why were you crying?" What?!?! After the whole ceremony (which was long and boring and could have used some excitement) and eating a really late lunch with the family (Gene counts as family in my head, fyi) I was waiting and waiting and waiting at home for either Keri or Travis to call me to let me know whether or not they were going over to Whitney's party so I could get a ride, since I wasn't sure where she lived. By the time I FINALLY got in touch with one of them (Keri, because Lurch never answers his phone), I found out that they were both there and had FORGOTTEN to call me. Oh, and could I get a ride to Amy's that night because of some lame reason that meant they couldn't get me? Gee....thanks guys.

Really though, I'm glad all that shit happened and I was able to spend the night with Alex and Ben, because those two are the most amazing guys I have EVER known. Alex is so sweet and funny and Ben is.....Ben. 'nuff said.

But still....I wonder what warranted me being constantly "forgotten" all throughout middle and high school? I always felt like the last one to be included. And I know I wasn't the only one. There's another person, an absolutely brilliant and amazing person who was also left out a bunch and I honestly want to know why we weren't good enough to get invited everywhere. No, scratch that. I don't think I want to know. It would probably just be some lame-ass excuse anyways.

But you know what? Now I'm in college and I have at least two completely NEW people who think that I am kind of a big deal and fierce. And I like that. I just want to know why it took so long for anyone to notice.


Hehe...since I'm on the subject of Dad, I'm sure he'll be disgusted to know that Mommy got me an Elvis shirt for Christmas. He hated Elvis. Oh, and I've been blaring the King in the truck too. His truck. Elvis blaring in his truck. XD OH AND I AM PWNING EVERYONE AT CALCULUS DADDY!!!!!!! WOOO!

So....today was the last day of school for me. It's weird, because I always pictured it quite a bit different than how it actually happened. I guess I kind of saw everyone getting out and then "Dancing in the Streets" would start playing and paper would fly....you know, the stereotypical movie type thing.

I guess life isn't the movies.

...

I had a dream today...it kind of threw me off balance. It was really realistic, really believable. Except that one person was really out of character.

Sometimes, you just don't want to wake up.

...

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw

...

It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it would be.
Randy K. Milholland

...

Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And we're together
"If we were a movie"

( When destiny calls you, you must be strong... )

...

I feel a sense of release...it's finally over (well, almost)...all these years...

It's such a relief, but I'll miss all of y'all.

Don't forget about me and keep me in your heart...or else! lol...

...

Here's the Usher version, it's kick @$$!!! (btw, the shorter, brunette is actually a girl...so definitely no homo...)



...

It seems as if lately everyone is trying to force some big, dramatic thing to happen. But really, it's just sickening. We don't have that much time left, let's not push our luck. Everyone has their own limits and eventually, if you keep pushing them, they're going to crack. Pretty soon we'll all be leaving I would personally hate to see everyone depart on a sour note.

---

( Graduation (Friends Forever) )

---

Four years ago I remember that about this time I wasn't studying for finals. I think I was trying to decide what movie we were going to see. Yeah, we. I said that right. Around this time four years ago I had a "twin". I hardly ever went anywhere by myself. I arrived at school with my brother and I left with him. Every other moment in between belonged to Ben. We were "best friends" and, let me tell you something, that doesn't count for anything anymore. Once upon a time we were attached at the hip; now, we hardly ever see each other.

I remember the first few times he caught my eye, way back in sixth grade. The first was when he was accidently given a viola. He was supposed to be a violin and they sent him a viola. If that had never happened, I wouldn't have taken notice of him. He ended up switching to the viola class. The next time I saw him, he was in a trash can. He, Preston Buchanon, and Zach Garrett had started some kind of trash can religion in Mr. Baron's math class. Mr. B hated it because it revolved around worshipping him for some reason, whatever it was. But, the first time I ever really spoke to him (or, at least, the first time it ever really sticks out in my mind) was at the sixth grade Rennaissance Festival.

I recall wearing a deep red dress and a matching cone hat thing. We were sitting in the cafeteria eating and I had gone up to his little group of friends to talk (probably about something completely inane). He worshipped me as a cone head. Like, seriously, worshipped me as a cone head. As soon as I took the hat off, he reverted into some hissing...thing that could hardly stand the sight of me. All I could think was, 'What a weirdo...he's funny, but weird.'

After that, we started hanging out. Gradually, it began to pick up in frequency and we were sitting by each other in class, walking to and from class together, and laughing in the lunch room like maniacs. We were in our own little world and no one could manage to force themselves between us. Somewhere in there we went from being friends to "best friends". I remember going to movies almost every week-end. Gods, we must have spent hundreds of dollars going to AMC. We would trade off, one buying the tickets the other buying food; sometimes we would treat one another.

The both of us have many good memories together (as does everyone, I'm sure). I can remember getting held after in Ms. Close's Earth Science class for making animal noises at each other. I remember his crows having sex noise. I remember his weird elephant noise. I remember us sitting in Mr. Baron's advisory class laughing while Lawton screamed out, "Oh my god, it almost hit me!" whilst Mr. B bled profusely. I remember no one in our youth choir believing him when he said the Heiffer Project was real, except for me. I remember screaming while we crossed the street because we always thought we were going to get run over. I remember calling him everytime I was freaking out and never having to stop before I dialed his number to think if he had time for me. I have to think now. I have to think every time I pick up the phone to call anybody. Somewhere along the way, I lost the ability to just blindly call someone whenever I needed them. I lost Ben, and there has yet to be someone to completely take his place.

They say that people come and go in our lives for many reasons. But what if you're not ready for them to go? We all say that we'll always be there for each other, that at least we can try to stay this way forever. But can we? All it took was one person moving here to shatter our carefully constructed world in which the two of us were safe from everything. All it took was one person arriving here to undo almost four years of...whatever it was. Does it really matter? It wasn't strong enought to last. Some people would call it growing apart, but there's nothing so abrupt about growing. There's nothing quite so painful as...well, personally, I would call it ripping, but that's just me. Nothing's forever. This won't last. Enjoy it while you can. Don't force drama to happen, it'll just push away those you hold dear faster and, trust me, ripping is painful.

---

"Have you noticed, Hikaru? The world, until now, has been either "our world" or "everything outside of our world". This is the first time a real intruder has appeared."

--Kaoru Hitachiin, Ouran High School Host Club episode 5

I don't want to miss a thing
Aerosmith

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing

...

yeah....I'm really feeling it now...let's just spend every single moment together because pretty soon, it'll all be over.... *tear* *sings* There is no future....(you know how the rest goes....)

Okay, so it's not actually that big of a deal. I'm staying home next year--it's not because I didn't get in (I actually didn't bother to finish the apps), I just...want to stay for one more year. I mean, yeah, I'm a baby and yeah, I'm immature and yeah, I'm spoiled, but I'm not staying home because I want to hold off on actually taking care of myself for a year. And I'm NOT staying because of a boy (although that will be a very serious perk). I'm just...not ready. And I lack funds. And really, I would miss my cats too, too much. So I'll do this all over again next year-n.b.d (no big deal). Really, at this point, I just can't wait until I freaking graduate...OH Yeah!!!

The one downside to it all though is that I have, like, a crap load of graduation gifts to make for my friends. Luckily, due to my allergies, I won't have to be scrambling at the very last second for Kleenex boxes. Yay!

And then there's prom. I'm starting to really love my dress (completely ignoring the fact that I still need to gain about 20 pounds and get a boob job before it actually fits me properly), but EVERYONE HAS A FREAKING POOFY DRESS!!!! OMG, I feel left out of the whole poofy-ness-ocity. *tear* TT_TT Luckily, though, I WILL NOT BLEND IN. Actually yeah, I probably will but who gives a hoot?? My date and I will be HOTTTTT!!!! *sweatdrop* ^_^;;;;

OH YEAH, BABY!!!! The Stars are Shining BRIGHT!!!!