From One Devil to Another

2007 NaNoWriMo Novel

Premise

Through letters to her best friend, Abigail struggles with a difficult decision made in her past.

Genre(s)

Suspense, Thriller, Drama, Mainstream, Chick Lit, possible Youth/Young Adult

Inspi'

"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."

-Emo Philips

"Murder is born of love, and love attains the greatest intensity in murder."

-Octave Mirbeau

"True friends stab you in the front."

-Oscar Wilde

"The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other."

-Ashleigh Brilliant

"To like and dislike the same things, that is indeed true friendship."

-Sallust

"Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes."

-Randy Milhulland

The Novel

September 1

Abigail, I miss you. I'm not gonna lie. I really, really miss you. Ever since we moved, anywhere I look, I'm reminded of you. Do you ever think of me? Can you? Please...I just wish I knew how you were.

School is dull. Complete bore-zone. The new school district has weird requirements and so I'm really ahead. It feels great being the smart one for once. I don't have any friends yet. Well there is this girl named Mary in my Physics class, but I really don't know...it just seems so wrong to replace you, y'know?

The new house is big. Almost too big. I don't like it. But then I do. I have the whole upstairs to myself. And yeah, it is BEYOND creepy living in the ATTIC...but you know what? I kind of like it. It reminds me of when we used to spend our summers in that tree house in your backyard. That was so much fun. I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I don't think I'll ever forget you. I miss you. I wish you were here.


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September 4

I was flipping through channels the other day and Star Trek was on. I think that was the only not perfect thing about you. You were a total Trekkie...what a dork.

I tried watching it, but fell asleep. I never could get you.


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September 4 (again, haha!)

Sorry to be writing you so much. I guess I'm just bored. I don't really have any friends. Except Mary. She called me yesterday. Said she wanted to hang out. I told her no. I'm never going to replace you.

I went to the mall instead and bought half a closet worth of clothes. Dad's been pretty lax about giving me money lately. Maybe he feels sorry for me or something?

I'm really bored.


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September 6

Well I guess you want to know why I've been writing you. I mean we both know I'm not the type to just sit down and scribble stuff down.

After everything happened and was all over, Dad and I moved away. We’re in Harberston now. We're staying in a two-story house that's too big for just us. I get the whole upstairs and attic to myself. It's strange to have so much room, but it's kinda nice. I feel free here.

So yeah...like we moved and then dad wanted me to see this shrink lady. And I really didn't want to hurt his feelings so I did. Well I am. She said that if I wrote you, it would make me feel better. I don't know how, she kind of spouted out this weird psycho-babble that was insanely bogus, but I was like, whatever I'll try. So I am. And here we are. Me. You. Me writing you. Pretty insane, isn't it?

Anyways, Doctor Jenaway (that's the shrink's name, Kathy Jenaway) told me that if I told you about my everyday life, I would find "inner peace" or some weird hippie emotion. So....here goes.

I wake up at 6. I eat, take a shower, get dressed, pretend that I’m gathering up whatever homework I didn't do, and then go to school. First period is European History. Completely snooze-worthy. Then I’m off to second, which is choir. I basically hate everyone there; no one is near as good at singing as you are. Third is Trig, you know I hate that. Fourth is Physics. That's with Mary. Fifth is Economics...you can imagine how I feel about that. Then sixth is English. My teacher's a total hack. Thinks he's cool or something. God I hate people like that. Why can't they just get touch with their old generation or something? Just...ugh...I can't even talk about it, y'know?

Of course you know. You know me better than anybody else. You are like my best friend. BFF's forever, right? Remember when we used to walk to school together. We always used to talk about how one day we could drive there. Well now I can. I got my license last week. But it just feels wrong driving to school without you there to talk to and stuff, so I just walk anyways. I know...totally insane, right?

I was thinking of stopping by your house over the weekend, to show you my car and that I could drive without slaying twenty trash cans...but I forgot--you don't live there anymore, do you? It's so weird. We’ve lived right next to each other since we were kids, and now neither of us are even in that town anymore.

But I'm going to stop this letter now, because me hand is getting tired and stuff. I would e-mail you, but you're e-mail doesn't work. Which really sucks. Maybe I'll type out my next letter and print it out. Whatever, I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Bye.


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September 8

Mary asked if I wanted to go to some party with her. I wanted to, but said no. See? I'm not replacing you, Abigail.

For lunch, they served macaroni. I'm pretty sure the cheese was fake.

After I got home, I watched some TV. Now I'm writing to you (instead of writing this really stupid paper my English teacher assigned). He's really creepy. I think he may be a pedophile or something. Today he kept asking me how I felt and if I was doing okay. It was so creepy. I really wish they would try harder to keep freaks like that out of schools.

But back to Mary. Today she was wearing some really weird clothes! She said she just got them back from the cleaners and that she usually dresses like that--but it is so weird! She was wearing some frilly little dress with a poufy skirt and one of those little sweaters (I think they're called cardigans...I don't know!) and some insane platform shoes with the heel-part cut out of the platform! She looked completely crazy. Who in their right mind would walk around in something like that?! Like, geez...I just wanted to tell her to get a clue or something because this is not the seventeenth century or whatever. Just weird.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only normal person around here.


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September 10

Rain today. Remember when you and I used to dance in the rain together when we were little kids?

Dad made me go to the mall today with Mary. He says I need friends. Obviously he meant beside you, of course. Because all I need is you. But for some reason he seems to think that I need to "connect" with the other kids here. He just doesn't seem to understand that our bond is so strong it can traverse the distance between us right now. I promise I’ll see you soon.

When Mary and I were at the mall, she told me about the frilly junk she keeps wearing. I told her I didn't care and that she looked like Little Bo Peep. That got her mad. She complained that what she was wearing was “fashion" and that she wasn't some maid or doll or whatever. I just stopped listening to her. If it had been you, you would have laughed at my joke. Mary is nothing like you. I had a miserable time.

Well. Okay. It wasn't so bad. But it would have been way better if you had been there.

I'll come visit you soon!


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September 11

Okay. Maybe hanging out with Mary wasn't so bad. I'm probably going to have to postpone my trip to see you to. Dad says that I'm finally starting to get "settled" and now he won't let me out of his sight. He seems to think that if I go off on my own for one second I'm going to disappear or whatever. He's so crazy. Maybe he's right.

I feel like I've lost a part of myself, Abigail. I miss you so much. You were my other half. It was always just the two of us. I had a built in friend wherever I went. Now I have to make all new friends. (Not because I want to, but because Dad wants me to. I could never replace you.)

Mary wants to go to a local concert tomorrow. I told her I couldn't because I already have a friend that I go to concerts with and it is completely not your fault if you're there and I'm here and we can't go anywhere together anymore. She got mad and stalked off. But then she fell over because she tripped on the stairs because she was wearing those stupid shoes again. She kind of reminded me of you then. You were kind of clumsy. You tried to hide it so badly because you were perfect little Abigail, but you were so clumsy it was insane.

Except, it's kind of eerie. She looks like you, you know? The same brown hair, the same brown eyes. I know those features are completely common, but something about her reminds me of you.

I'm sorry, Abigail. You probably don't want to hear that. I won't send this letter to you. It would just make you sad.


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September 15

Rain today. Thought of you.


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September 16

Happy Birthday, Abigail.


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September 20

Went to the mall again with Mary. I guess I can be friends with her and still be friends with you. It just feels so weird to not be spending this year with you.

Mary and I had to give a presentation today in Physics about forces. It was insane. You would have loved it. She embroidered the equations for Newton’s laws on her skirt and we used it as a visual. She's so amazing. She makes a lot of her own clothing. She's so creative. I wish I were more like her. I feel so plain around her. Not like when I would hang out with you. You always made me feel cool. Maybe I'll ask her to make me a skirt tomorrow so that I can be cool like her. She's so original. I feel so plain.


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September 25

Mary and I went to see that new indeed film. It was amazing, Abs. You would have loved it. The ending was so unpredictable. I could completely relate to the lead female. Except that I'm not crazy. But other than that, we are completely alike. Only I would never kill my boyfriend. Well, maybe I would. I've never had one, so I don't know what it's like, y'know?

What do you think? Do you think you would ever kill your boyfriend? I know if I was dating a guy as amazing as Sam, I would rather kill myself than kill my boyfriend. Haha, I'm so insanely funny, aren't I?

We have to do a stupid journal project for English. I asked if our journals could be in the form of letters to an imaginary friend and the hippie-pedo teacher said he didn't care, so I'm just going to keep writing letters to you and turn that in! Aren't I brilliant?

Bought a new necklace today. It's a little diamond-encrusted strawberry. Okay, so the diamonds are fake, but you get the point. Do you know why I bought it? Because it made me think of you! Do you remember how we picked strawberries together at your aunt's three summers ago? I do. It was so much fun. I want to go back this year. Maybe I'll take Mary and you can get to know her.

I told her about you. She thinks you sound really cool. I told her I would never let her meet you, but I was lying. Maybe I wasn't. She's so insanely amazing, I'm a bit afraid she'll steal you away from me, haha. But you'll never leave me, will you? You'll always be around for me.


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October 10

Sorry I haven't written you. I've been kind of busy. I got a cold (very small cold, so don't worry!) and then Mary and I were doing things. Not fun stuff though, like you and I used to do. Just boring stuff. Like going to the mall and seeing some insanely stupid movies and doing some crazy stuff. Not the cool stuff you and I would do, like hang out at the pool and walk down to the gas station and get ice cream cones. Except that we haven't done that in years. Not since we were kids. But still.

Dad likes his new job. He's working as editor at the Harberston newspaper, the Harberston Gazette. Total bore. I took the SAT's last Saturday. I don't think I did too well on it, but I think I beat your last score. No hard feelings, though. Don't feel bad if I beat you.

I'm thinking of joining a club. Remember how we used to joke that clubs were for losers who didn't actually belong anywhere? And that if you needed a huge group of people to make you feel happy you were just a loser? Well I guess I'm a loser. Mary's in the art club and I'm thinking of going to one of those meetings. But only because I know it's something you and I would never do together. I only do stuff with Mary that you and I would never do.

Except...she invited me to the beach on Saturday. You and I used to go to the beach every chance we got. And I miss the beach. But I don't want to go without you. I'm going to end up going. I'm also going to end up not sending this letter, so you'll never know. I feel bad about that, but I'm sick of not being able to do stuff just because you're


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October 13

Sorry I haven't written you. I've been busy with school work and stuff. Nothing's new here. I'm not even having fun. Not with Mary, not with anybody. You don't have to worry because you'll always be my friend.


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October 14

You're not reading my letters are you? You'll never read them, will you? I hate you.


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October 17

Halloween's almost here, Abigail. Only you aren't. Remember last year? We were matching bumble bees. This year Mary and I are going to be zombies.


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October 30

You’re not reading my letters, Abigail—no matter what Dr. Jenaway says. There is no way you are reading my letters.


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November 2

Halloween was fun Abigail. I ditched Mary (bet you like the sound of that!) and hung out with Dad. We went to all the haunted houses in the area. I was so scared, I didn’t sleep a wink. Not even last night.

And do you know what? I think I’m going to stay up tonight as well. I kind of like Abigail. Isn’t that crazy? Only not crazy crazy—just kind of fun crazy.


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November 3

Do you remember last year at Halloween? We went to all those haunted houses—but I wasn’t scared an inch. Want to know why?

It’s because you were there, Abigail. You were my protector.


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November 4

Mary’s mad. She says I was a bitch to ditch her like I did. I told her that I already had a best friend. She said I was acting juvenile. I hate her. Well, okay…maybe not hate. Only crazy people hate perfectly nice girls. And she is perfectly nice. She’s one of those people that’s so perfect you want to kill them, but can’t because they are that perfect. Like you, Abigail. I wanted to kill you. You were so perfect. And I was just me.


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November 6

I take that back Abigail. I don’t want to kill you. I don’t want to kill Mary either. You two just make me so angry sometimes because I feel so plain around you guys.

Mary apologized for calling me a bitch yesterday. She said she was just angry because her cat had vomited all over her fancy frou-frou dress. She gave me some huge, oversized head bow with a ton of lace on it and said that it looked perfect on me because of the shape of my face. I told her that I had no idea what I was supposed to wear a huge, oversized bow with and she said that she had some off-brand dresses she was willing to give me. And you know what, Abigail? I kind of like how she dresses. She wears these lace covered dresses with poufy skirts and she looks so pretty. She says it’s a fashion style from Japan. Like she’s some kind of Japan-expert or whatever. Whatever.

Still…I like it. Does that make me weird?


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November 10

They still haven’t found who did it, Abigail. I don’t think they ever will.


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November 12

I fell asleep during the ACT today Abigail. But I don’t care. I don’t want to go to college. I just want to go to Japan with Mary and wear fluffy clothes. No offense, I know we never wanted to do stuff like that, but Mary’s just a different kind of crazy than us.


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November 14

Mary gave me those dresses. They are so pretty. She says that if I save up money, I can buy brand name designers and the lace won’t be as scratchy. I hadn’t noticed that there was anything wrong the lace, but I think I was supposed to. So I said that as scratchy as the lace was, I would cherish these dresses forever because she gave them to me. Just like that. All dramatic and such. That made her laugh. She said I was crazy. I had to stop and point out that no, I wasn’t the crazy one…she was. She just laughed harder. See? Crazy, Abigail. Crazier than we are.


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November 17

Abigail, I miss you. I miss having class with you. I miss skipping class with you. I miss walking to school with you.

Mary is great, but she’s no you. I hate it. I hate her. I wish she were you and that you were here and she was not.

No. I don’t mean that.

Yes. Yes, I do.


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November 20

Please come see me Abigail. I miss you.


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December 3

Christmas is coming. Mary has been really busy because she sings in the choir. She’s actually choir president. So she’s been really busy. But I’ve already said that. I wish you were here.


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December 5

Today is Mary’s big Christmas concert. I wonder if she’ll be any good. I’m sure she won’t be as good as you. You sang like an angel. You had such a pretty voice Abigail. I remember watching you perform at the Spring Talent Show. You and Sam sang “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better.” You guys were so great together. But you shone. I’m sure Mary won’t shine like you.


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December 10

I went driving today Abigail. I usually don’t; I actually hate it, really. But for some reason today, I loved it. I felt so free, Abigail. I haven’t felt that way in a long, long, long, long time. It felt nice.

I was driving along and I saw this lady. She was running along the road, Abigail. Just running. And there wasn’t anything even close to being graceful about her, but she looked…divine. She was wearing a dark red running suit and she was kind of flailing her limbs about, but she looked so happy and at peace. I think in a way, we’re all like that—don’t you think? We all look so awkward in our dark red running suits, just flailing our arms around and looking like complete fools, hoping that we are becoming great. I think if we were all just to stop and trying to be so perfect and just realize that we look like a horrible red mess…maybe then we could find happiness or some kind of strange, peaceful perfection.

I feel so nostalgic lately. It’s all so bittersweet. Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn…I’m reminded of you. I wonder, do you ever think of me where you are? I can’t help but feel as if the world’s forgotten me somehow—like I was never important enough to bother being remembered. But not you, Abigail…no, not you. They remember you. They’ll always remember you. It’s because you’re good and kind. I wish I were good and kind so that I could be remembered. Maybe, by remembering you, in their own way, they are remembering me.

I wonder.


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December 11


“Happy birthday, Emily.” I wish you were here to say that to me now, Abigail.


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December 12

I never did tell you how Mary’s concert went, did I, Abigail? I’m sorry. I’ll tell you now.

First, the beginning choirs sang and they were really horrible—absolutely monstrous. I wanted to cover up my ears and never hear another sound again. The men’s choir forgot their words; the women’s choir forgot their rhythm. Both choirs forgot how to sing on pitch. There was no harmony…no music at all. It was just a bunch of jumble—really painful jumble. It was absolute anarchy. I was terrified that when the mixed choir got up to sing they would be just as bad. Because then Mary would ask how I liked it and I would have to lie and you know that I can’t lie, Abigail.

The mixed choir opened up with a soloist. It was Mary. It was beautiful. Oh, Abigail…I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it before. It was so beautiful. She had the voice of an angel. The sound of it washed over you, as if heaven had been bottled up and then poured out on top of you. Her voice was so serene and confident—but not showy. Never showy. She wasn’t up there to show off. She was up there to show the entire audience the world. The voice rang out—true and clear like a familiar face in a crowd of strangeness. And then, right when you thought there was no way to get any closer to heaven, the choir came in. Only, they didn’t just come in. They slipped in…quietly, unnoticed. Softly. They slipped right in under her melody and as her song swelled, they came in at full might. The harmonies and the unanimity…it was bliss. No—not even bliss. It was like the hand of a mother falling on your head as a child after you’ve skinned your knee. It was the sound of your father’s voice when you thought you were lost forever in the toy store. It was the touch of a friend when you thought you had none. It was…everything. And then, just as you thought so much of you was filled up that there could hardly be room for more, just as we all felt as if we were going to burst from the sound of it…it ended. Just like that. Leaving the entire audience feeling as if they had just taken part in the most wondrous thing. It was amazing.

I wish you could have been here to experience it yourself, Abigail. I wish…


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December 15

Finals are almost over! I can’t wait for school to get out for the winter holidays, Abigail. Maybe I’ll get to see you. Probably not…but still…

I’m really worried about my Physics final tomorrow. I’m just panicking. Mary’s fine. She says that she’s worried, but that she there’s nothing she can do about it so why bother. I wish I was Mary. I wish I could be as smart as Mary. Maybe then I would find it easier to say things like that. Maybe not.

I think I’m just meant to worry, Abigail. No matter how I try to get around it, I am at my best when I am most stressed. Isn’t that crazy? I just can’t not be freaked out though.


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December 17

Finals over…I better start praying.


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December 18

It’s so close to Christmas I can taste it. Everywhere I go I can feel the taste of yuletide joy on my tongue. It makes me miss you even more Abigail. This will be the first Christmas we spend apart.

I bought Mary’s present yesterday. I found an old volume of A Little Princess, and I thought it fit her perfectly. It’s one of those antique leather-bound type books with gold letters on the front. It’s so amazing, you would love it completely.


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December 20

Mary and I are going to a party today. She’s lending me one of her frilly dresses. Well…okay. It’s not too frilly. She says it’s from this brand called Metamorphose and that it’s their “Ornament print.” I honestly don’t see why it’s called that—there aren’t any ornaments on it. It’s just this kind of delicate, floral lacey print thing. I’m not saying I don’t like…the name is just weird.

But it’s not like I’m suddenly all into her weird fashion all of a sudden or anything. You don’t have to worry, Abigail. I’m not changing. I’ll still always be the same person.


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December 21

The party was great. No it wasn’t. Yes it was.

I don’t know.


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December 24

I don’t care what Dr. Jenaway says. I know you aren’t reading this. How can you? I miss you Abigail. I miss you I miss you I miss you. I miss you more than I miss anything else in the world. I wish you could come back. I wish I could see you again. I know I can’t, but I really, really, really want to—more than anything in the world.

Why did you have to leave me?


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December 25

I’m lonely Abigail. I’m not complete without you. I need you here. You made me a better person. You were so good to me. Why did you leave?


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December 25 again

I hate you. It’s your fault I feel this way. It’s your fault I’m not enjoying myself. It’s your fault I feel miserable this year. It’s your fault that I can’t be friends with Mary. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. I’m glad I’ll never see you again because I hate you that much. I hate you for being so perfect all the time. I hate you for always being smarter than me. I hate you for being prettier than me. I hate you for dating all the guys I wanted to date. I hate you for having all the clothes I wanted. I hate you for having the family I wanted. I hate you I hate you I hate you.

I hate you for being so great. I hate you for not being there for me now. I hate you for missing out on the rest of high school with me. I hate that you’re dead. I hate that you died. I hate you for not being alive.

There.

I said it.

You’re dead.

Dead to me. Dead to the world. You are dead to all of us.


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December 27

Dead.


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January 7

I hate you.


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January 22

Hate.


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February 27

Dead Hate


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April 14

Abigail, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I guess with the holidays so close, you being gone just about killed me. (Sorry, sorry….I know, bad pun.)

Around Christmas time I stopped seeing Dr. Jenaway, I think that really affected my mind set. I just hadn’t realized how much she was helping me deal with losing you.

I’m seeing her again, twice weekly, and I’m going to be doing so for another month. After that, she says that she thinks I will be able to “fully cope with the loss of my dear friend” on my own. What bull. I don’t think I’ll ever be used to not being with you.

I’m doing better now, though. I did kind of lose it, but Dad was there to help me out. Dad and Mary.

Yeah, that’s right…Mary. She was so amazingly supportive once I told her what had happened. She came by every day and put up with so much hell from me and didn’t even so much as bat an eyelash. She was absolutely perfect. She says she wants to be a psychiatrist one day and was glad that she could be such a help.

I guess the only reason I really had so much trouble with the being friends with her is that I was just so terrified that I was going to replace you. Now I’m beginning to realize that there’s no way I’ll ever lose what we had.

But that’s just what it is. What we had. Now I have to look at What’s to Come.

Mary is here. In a way, you are too, just not in the same way she is. I really don’t think that you would hate me for wanting to be happy.

I miss you, Abigail. But I don’t hate you.


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April 20

Yesterday Mary and I went shopping for our dresses for Prom. Big surprise—I didn’t find any that looked good on me. Mary, however, looked radiant in everything she tried on. She’s a lot like you in that way. Actually, she’s a lot like you in a lot of ways. I think you would have liked her Abigail.


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April 27

Mary and I decided we’re going to skip Prom. Instead, we’re going to a show for some Japanese band she likes that’s touring over here. She says she thinks I’ll like them, so whatever. I didn’t really want to go to Prom anyways.


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April 30

Dr. Jenaway says that maybe all of my pent up emotions may be what cause me to have my “little” emotional breakdown last Christmas. Maybe she is right. I have really missed you, and at first I felt very guilty becoming friends with Mary. I guess that all kind of built up… The whole combination of Christmas, when we would do so much together, and Mary, and you not being here…I really missed you. I still do.


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