So I got to talk with Beth today about a certain guy who has me smitten and just happens to be in my Art History class next semester (it occurs to me now that he may read my blog and may now think I am some crazy internet stalker....) and I think I'm okay with how I....feel? I don't know....

I guess it's mainly just that I've never had a long relationship that turned out well. I guess I'm kind of scared to be bonkers over some guy. I also heard somewhere that a girl's future relationships are shaped by her relationship with her father. :\ ....Dad and I were close when I was a kid, but the last few years we...well, weren't. I think that as much as I want to have a relationship of any kind, I'm just not confident enough to think that I won't screw it up.

Yeah...that's right, me.

I don't want my insecurities to get in the way of this absolutely great guy who has told me that he's interested in me but I think they may be. I just keep thinking of all the ways he'll do everything perfectly and then I'll go and screw it up.

Which is insane. And I know this, and that just makes it even crazier.

In the past I've just told that stupid little voice in the back of my head to shut up and it did. I've been flirting with guys for months. I've never had any trouble just acknowledging my feelings, disposing of my insecurities and then move on to whatever was there. But now, every time I think about him, I just think of all the ways I can screw up. And it doesn't make any sense!!!

But talking with Beth helped. We didn't really talk much, and I don't remember exactly what she said, but whatever it was, it struck a chord in me and kind of helped whack me over my head and realize that even if I screw up, at least I tried. Really, I think I'm just over-thinking this. I've never done that before...

( When you live... )