......seriously did not want last night to end. But it did. Because I don't have a penis. Seriously.

I spent all day with Mark (practically). After I finished my computer exam I waited for him to get off work and then I brought him home to meet mom and the cats and to have lunch. We hung out for a bit then went to his house and killed some time before going over to some church to sing for North Harris' Graduation. And of course that dredged up some shitty memories on my part and I had to explain to him that he's dating a nut case with several tons of emotional baggage. He was surprisingly okay with that.

Afterwards, we were originally planning on seeing Speed Racer at Movie Tavern and then calling it a night, but Erika invited everyone over to her place. Well, she lives in Clear Lake, and seeing as how I'd first have to take Mark home before heading back myself, the answer was no. BUT he said that I could stay at his place (everyone now: "aaahhhh....") and whatnot and I felt comfortable saying yes because he had proved himself over the course of the evening to be a gentleman of the highest caliber. (Notice how that's bolded? It'll be important later.)

So I tried calling Mom as soon as I could because I wanted to make sure it was alright. As usual, she didn't answer her phone, so I left a message and secretly crossed my fingers that she would call back so we could talk about it before it was too late to change our plans. I figured it would be alright, as long as I slept in a different room than he was, especially since she allows my sixteen-year old brother to stay at his girlfriend's and I am older and have proven I am more responsible than he is. (Notice the bold print there as well.)

So Mark and I go back to his house to change, since we're in concert black (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's ladies in all black and guys in black/white suit-tux combo thing) and didn't want to go around in nice clothing that would hurt our wallets if ruined. Then I get a call from Mother. She says she got my message and isn't comfortable with what's going down. As calmly as I can (which, admittedly was not much because I was upset that she didn't answer her phone to begin with) tell her that the plans have already been made. We hang up. She then calls back a few moments later saying that she does not want me staying at Mark's house because I am a girl and it is not "safe." I reply that she needs to think about what she allows her son to do, and needs to give her elder and more responsible and more hard-working daughter the chance at so much freedom. I then, quite angrily, tell her that that is all. She replies that she trusts my judgment. I tell her that she better because I've never given her a reason to doubt it (which is true) and hang up without giving her a chance to say anything different.

So we get to the appointed meeting place to wait for everyone to show up since we're car-pooling/caravaning over there. After waiting about a half hour (perhaps a little longer, I'm not sure), Erika calls bailing out on us. So we decide to see a movie since we're all together for perhaps the last time (many choir members are ditching NHC for "real" schools, lol) and want to end it on a high note (lol, music pun!). So we head toward the Movie Tavern by Willowbrook. En route, Mark tells me since we're not getting out that late anymore, that I should go home so that I don't fight with Mother. (didn't I tell you guys he was amazing?)

I call her; she doesn't answer. Same song, next stanza. I leave a message giving her an update on what's going on. We get to the movies, and as we're walking into our theatre, I realize that I left my phone in my truck. Oh well, I've done worse. Anyways, I won't be answering it since I'm in a movie. I enjoy it (we saw Baby Mama) and we part ways for, perhaps forever. Since I'm quite unexpectedly tired, Mark tells me to go ahead and stay at his house, since he's not entirely comfortable with me driving an hour to go home. I agree with him.

I get to my truck and see that I've missed three calls from Mother. No big, I was in a movie. I call her back. Apparently, she hadn't listened to my message, so she still thought I was in Clear Lake. No big, I tell her what's going down. I explain that Erika bailed on us and that we saw a movie instead. I tell her that originally, I had been planning on going home afterwards, but I'm unexpectedly tired and don't feel comfortable driving all that way.

She tells me that she will be waiting up for me and doesn't care how tired I am. Not wanting to argue, and feeling more hurt than angry, I hang up and tell Mark that I will, in fact, be going home tonight. He's worried about me, which is really sweet, and understanding of the situation. I get to his house, we say our goodbyes, and I head home. I'm maybe fifteen minutes away from my house when he calls, asking if I'm there yet, and telling me to call him when I am so he knows I'm okay. (SEE, I TOLD YOU GUYS--COMPLETELY AMAZING!!!!!) I get home and call him while I'm in the driveway, anticipating an argument with my mother after I walk in the house.

I get in, and tell her that:

• She allows my brother to stay at his girlfriend's house
• The only reason that she even lets him is because he started doing it way before she ever gave him permission by lying and deceiving her
• The only reason she was able to say no tonight was because I was honest about what I was doing
• Which, along with a long history of calling her when my plans change or just calling to let her know I'm okay, proves I'm more responsible than my brother, who doesn't
• I trust Mark, for reasons that shall remain unspecified*
• After years of being told I can handle more responsibility than my brother, and taking so-called extra responsibilities and handling them beautifully and without complaint, I feel slighted that he is getting extra privileges because he is a guy and I am a girl
• She had said earlier that evening that she trusted my judgment
• I did not feel comfortable driving home as tired as I was and made a decision based off of said judgment
• She had originally told me it was alright
• And even though I didn't like that she changed her mind, I still came home, thus proving I am in deed responsible
• Because of this, I was hurt and confused--but NOT angry
• I wanted her to take these things into consideration the next time she was making a decision about anything that my brother or I were asking

She tells me that yes, she does have a double standard, but that Tracy cannot rape Chaney. I decide not to point out that Chaney could rape Tracy, and then we'd have a whole slew of problems much harder to fix than if Mark raped me.

Instead, I tell her that *when I was at Mark's house, killing time before the concert, we started kissing, and that he stopped and ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY WITH THAT and when I said that I would let him know if I wasn't okay with something, he said that HE NEVER WANTED TO GET TO THE POINT WHERE I HAD TO DO THAT.* I told her that the only reason I took him up on his offer to stay at his house, was because he had said that. No other guy has ever said that to me, not even Geoff, and the only reason I was comfortable staying with him was because he had said that. I also pointed out that it was funny that she still thought it would great if Geoff and I got back together when he was the one that I was caught making out in a parking lot with by a cop when most parents would forbid their daughters from ever seeing a guy like that again. I then told her good night and went to bed.

Now, I don't have much say as to what I do, seeing as I still live under her roof and therefore feel obligated to follow her rule. But, I do feel slighted and hurt that she would not only go back on her word, but give my brother more trust that he doesn't deserve because he has a penis (which is really what it all comes down to). BUT I DO FEEL AS IF THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY TO MAKE THE NIGHT END WELL FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED. Tell me guys, did I do something wrong? Was there anything I could have done? Did I not present my case well? I understand I'm of the fairer sex and need "protecting" or whatever, but for her to so blatantly give favor to my brother over this is quite hurtful, and I just want to find a happy compromise. :[