emmyette: picture of myself; please do not steal/use (imzadi)
emmyette ([personal profile] emmyette) wrote2008-03-19 10:04 pm

#80 Why?

Blah blah blah....am going to study abroad for sure. I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping I get a chance to meet some London lolis. I'm looking forward to that. :D

ALSO the great Dark Mysterious Matrix Girl 100 Challenge has BEGUN!

But Megan...what the hell is the "Dark Mysterious Matrix Girl 100 Challenge" and why the heck are you doing it?

Well, it's essentially the [livejournal.com profile] fanfic100 thing, except it's not fanfic since DMMG is my own original character. Why? NaNoWriMo is why. I'm going to actually finish this year and this year I am going to be manipulating DMMG and Alan to suit whatever roles they need to fulfill in order for me to reach that 50k goal. I want to flesh out their characters more, and this seemed like a good way to do it. Also, I'm using them for my ScriptFrenzy, so be sure to check that out. XD

Well who is Dark Mysterious Matrix Girl....and why does her name reek of lame-ness?

Dark Mysterious Matrix Girl is just a girl.....with a DREAM! XD lol no....

I created her my first year doing NaNo (and didn't win... :[ ) and she's basically just stuck in the back of my mind ever since. I keep wanting to do something MORE with her, but I'm not really sure what. She's just some girl who took off after high school to travel around with her best friend (her lazily-named sidekick Alan) on some sort of Quest with a capital Q. And while they're traveling, stuff happens. That's how complex these characters are. Seriously, I have socks with more depth than these guys. There's no planning whatsoever here. But I want to change that. So I am (I think).


80. Why?
Rating: G or K, whichever system you prefer--no warnings



“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Why, all of this? Why all of the pretend? If you knew, why didn’t you just say so?” She was near tears as she said this, and it broke his heart.

“Because you needed me to believe it-so I did. I’ll be anything you need; you know that--I’ve told you that again and again. I’ll be what you need, even if it means just taking part in this entire fantasy of yours and acting in some kind of stupid, pointless charade--“

“If it’s so stupid and pointless then why are you bothering?” Her eyes flashed at him just then and they cut, more than barbed wire and deeper than razor.

Alan turned from his Mat-girl--his Mat-girl. But no--she wasn’t his. Not anymore—but she hadn’t been his for such a long time; she hadn’t been his for much time at all it seemed. And now, now he couldn’t even look at the only person in the world--the only person in his world. And if there ever was a time to confess as to his reasons for continuing to follow her all of these years, now was the time. If he didn’t speak, he would have to forever hold his peace and live knowing that she was no longer his.

He said nothing. For once he couldn’t think of a thing to say.

She stood and left, saying nothing more, and he was alone.
He sat like that for a long time. And finally, the loss hit him. All of those years of following his Dark Mysterious Matrix Girl on her grand quest, and he would never know a thing like them again. The years before that, before they had left their homes, when they had been children growing up—he had lost that just now as well.

Finally, after a time that was too long to still be comfortable to his waitress, he stood and paid their tab. Mat-girl--no, Maddy--always overlooked the small details. But he seemed to have overlooked the largest one of all.

If he had said something there in that moment, she would have stayed. Nothing--and everything--would have changed. And, realizing that later, as he lay in his empty hotel room, he cried and he wondered.

Why?